Signs of the Past

The Truth Comes Out - After Summer

"Your dorm room is so.." Colleen pauses as she takes in my dorm room. "Simple." She finishes. 

I can tell Colleen is unimpressed. I wish I had hung up some photos on the wall or even strung up lights before they got here. Instead, I cleaned frantically and hid away any evidence of my pregnancy. 

My dad and Vivian are seated on my bed, both looking down at something on my dad's cellphone. 

I didn't expect Vivian to come. We were never very close. When she married my dad, I was so involved with Charlie that I didn't get to know her as well as Colleen. And over the summer, it was all about Peter, and now it's too late because I'm away at college. She'll never really know the real me, not like my dad or Colleen. Now she'll only know me as the step daughter that got knocked up by her summer fling. 

"Okay, so looks like there is a burger joint a few miles away or we can do something else. What were you guys thinking?" My dad asks. 

Colleen's eyes light up. "Yes. I've been craving a cheese burger all day." 

Colleen hasn't mentioned my pregnancy once, not since move in day. It's almost as if she forgot it all together, but I know better than to believe that.

 After lunch, I know that the truth will have to come out. It's what Elizabeth planned. I even know exactly what I'll say because Elizabeth did research online. 

She said she'd be there when I told them if I wanted her too. I told her no. I promised I could handle my family. Now I'm seriously regretting turning her offer down. 

"Let's go." Colleen begs, pulling my dad's arm. 

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"So, you'll never guess who Viv and I ran into the other day." My dad says after we've finished ordering. 

I ordered a salad. My stomach is full of butterflies and my hands are shaking so bad I'm not sure that I could hold a hamburger steady any way. 

"Jenny Campbell." My dad says, Jenny Campbell, aka Mrs. Campbell, aka Peter's mom. 

I look down at my lap. Cautiously I speak. "Oh. How was she?" 

I catch Vivian give me a small smile. It's a warning sign for whatever my dad is going to say. 

"She told me that Peter is attending U of R, that he's been attending it all semester. You never mentioned that." My dad inquires. 

I give my dad a tight smile and half laugh through my nose. Colleen's eyebrows arch up in a surprise and she looks up from her phone. 

"I thought I told you guys. I don't see him very often." I answer. All three of them seem to be waiting for more. They all sit facing me with impatient expressions. I sigh, and add: "It's not a very big deal. We don't talk, ever." 

My dad sits back in the booth still watching me. Vivian looks out across the restaurant as if she is suddenly searching for someone. Colleen reaches out to grab my hand across the table. 

I hold my breath as I await their response. "It's Peter. You guys have to get back together. He is perfect!" Colleen exclaims. She continues to hold onto my hand. 

"I always liked him. I was sorry the way that things ended between the two of you." My dad adds.

My dad loved Peter. I was worried my dad would be upset that I had ended things with Charlie so abruptly and I was scared my dad wouldn't like Peter as much as he liked Charlie. I was wrong though, my dad and Peter instantly hit it off.  

Vivian rolls her eyes at the both of them and turns to face my dad. "Leave the girl alone. She knows what she wants." 

Then she redirects her attention back to me. "Now, tell us everything. We've been dying to hear about your secret college life."

I know Vivian doesn't know about the baby, but my stomach drops anyway. I don't know what to say. Should I tell my secret now? What difference does an hour make? I look down at my lap. I can't bear to look at any of their faces. Especially not my dad's face. I've put him through so much already. I know I was the result of an unwanted and unexpected pregnancy. My dad has already lived through this nightmare. 

"Actually, I need to tell you something." I mumble. 

I take one last look at their faces. My dad has his eyebrows raised and arms crossed. He's waiting for me to speak up. I want him to look at me one more time as his young daughter, the nice girl that I've always been. 

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I'm pregnant." 

Nobody says a word. My dad is frozen in place, his shock has made him speechless. Vivian shoos an approaching waiter away. Colleen is looking down at her hands.

 "I'm-I'm so sorry. I never wanted to disappoint you guys." My words stumble out as I say them. 

My dad runs his hands through his hair and then covers his eyes. Vivian puts a hand on his thigh and offers a sympathetic half smile to me. 

"Do you know who the father of the baby is?" My dad asks in a low and quiet voice without looking up at me. He's really upset. Whenever he gets really upset he refuses to look at the person. He did it to my mom all the time when we were younger. It used to make her furious. I remember her screaming "Look at me! Look at me, Hal. Do you even see me?" 

The night that my dad found out the truth about Charlie, my dad didn't say a word to him. Even when Charlie screamed from the inside of his ambulance. 

"Yes, of course." I admit. 

My dad looks up at me and raises his hands impatiently. "So who is it?" 

Colleen and Vivian don't say a word, neither of them even look up from their laps. It's just my dad and me. 

I don't say anything and my dad gasps, taking my silence as an answer.  "Is it Charlie?" 

I can see my dad start to panic. His eyes go wide and his hands freeze in the air. Before my dad can go into panic mode, I quickly assure him he's not. 

"No. No, the father isn't Charlie. It's Peter, of course." It's like all three of them sigh in relief at once. That's how relieved they look. I never even considered that Colleen might be worried that the baby was Charlie's. A whole new ton of guilt is added to the pit in my stomach that I let Colleen worry that they baby was Charlie's. 

"I found out right before I went away to school." I pause and start again. "Peter doesn't know, nobody does." I decide not to throw Colleen under the bus, I still don't even know how she found out, but she's done a good job of keeping my secret. 

Finally, the whole truth comes out. Despite the guilt I feel looking at my father's expression, I haven't felt such relief in months. It's as if the gap between me and my family has finally been closed. 

"You need to tell him. This is half his baby, he has a right to know about it and he has a right to decide with you about the baby's future." My dad orders. 

I know he has a point. Peter should know about the baby. It is his right to, but he also deserves a good and happy life. Where he pursues baseball and one day gets married and has planned and prayed for children. He doesn't deserve an unwanted pregnancy with a girl that broke his heart and put his life through hell. 

"I can't do that to him." I conclude. 

My dad shakes his head. "Margot, you tell him or I will." My stomach drops all over again. 

"You need to tell him today."