Signs of the Past

The College Encounter - After Summer

After Colleen's final departure, I lay down on my new bed and I cry. I think about my dad and what he'll think when he finds out. I don't have too much longer now before I start to show. Dr. Green, our family practitioner says I'm almost eight weeks along.

Even Dr. Green seemed so disappointed when she informed me of my condition. She told me my options but it all seemed like a blur. I just sat on the bench that I'd sat in hundreds of times before while my father waited outside for me to finish my check up, but this time I was alone. It was just me and the baby. Just like it is right now and I'm still so confused.

My roommate still hasn't arrived, I hate to imagine what she'd think of me if she walked in now. I know she'd notice my mascara which has run down my face and the self-pity that I've been wallowing in. I decide to go for a walk, to clear my head. I  walk around the campus.

The University of Richmond is a small campus buried in the woods. I chose it over UVA because of it's size and the fact that it's so much more contained then UVA. It feels safe, something that I've been craving all my life.

It's an hour into my walk that I realize that I am starving. Move-in day was so busy that nobody thought to have a meal or even just a snack. So, I head to the dining hall for my first official college meal.

When I step into the building, I notice all of the people crammed into little lines and filling all of the tables. The room is hot and the air is stiff. The people are loud and busy, everybody is shifting and moving. Until I see him, he's standing off towards the center of the room. He's holding a tray and there's a salad on it. His blonde hair is longer than I remember and he is wearing jeans, I don't remember ever seeing him in jeans, only shorts.

He is staring back at me, our eyes are locked but neither of us say a word. I almost turn away to run and hide away from him. What is Peter doing here, he's supposed to already be at UVA, starting his sophomore year. Why is he here at my dining hall, looking just as shocked as I'm feeling?  

Peter begins to walk over towards me. As he comes closer I can focus in on the details of his face. There's a scar where his lip busted a few weeks ago, but other than that none of his physical injuries remain. There is no longer a black eye and his bloody knuckles have healed. The craziness in his eyes is gone, he looks calm, slightly nervous, but evidence from that night has almost all been erased.

I place my hand over my stomach, as if to calm the growing baby because of the excitement of it's father's presence. As if the baby has some kind of awareness. Then, I realize how obvious I am being and instead shove my hands into my pockets.

Peter glances down at the floor before looking up to meet my eyes. "Hey" he mutters. His usual confidence is absent and instead I'm met with a more nervous version of himself.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I stammer.

Peter bites his lip and then folds his hands before responding. "Well you knew I was debating on going back to UVA, and I was on the waitlist for Richmond." Peter pauses and with an reddening cheeks he carries on. "I was accepted and I was going to surprise you."

My heart beats loudly in my chest. My eyes look away from Peter's needy ones. It's unbearable to look at his sad, confused puppy eyes.

"You should've called and told me, Peter." I finally remarked.

Peter shrugs. "You wouldn't have answered. You never did. You disappeared without an explanation." Despite his nonchalant demeanor, Peter's tone is clipped and his jaw is clenched tightly as he speaks to me.

"I told you I needed space after everything." I retort and cross my arms over my chest. No longer are my hands shaking.

Peter rolls his eyes. "I gave you space. You didn't want it. You just wanted me to disappear." he argues.

Peter glares back at me. He looks so handsome even when he frowns, but I can't forget the look on his face that night. How he had that gloating half grin on his smile.

"What did you expect me to do, Peter? We could never be together not after what you did and you know it." The words flow out easy and smooth. I feel powerful and in control.

It isn't until I see the defeated look on Peter's face that I wish I never said them.