After.
While on holiday.
It began at night.
It began on the very first day.
Panic attacks.
Every single day.
Fear.
Adrenaline.
Pain.
No one understands the pain.
This is when I resorted to inflicting pain on myself.
This is when I resorted to making sure that others couldn't feel my pain.
This is when I resorted to self harm
I couldn't control myself.
I wanted to escape.
I wanted to run.
I was imprisoned inside my own mind.
I was imprisoned inside my own pain.
The panic attacks got worst.
Steadily getting worst over the week.
2 days before I went home.
It struck.
It struck like being hit with a freight train.
The fear engulfed me.
I wasn't able to run.
I was stuck inside.
The panic attack wouldn't stop.
Instead.
It got stronger.
like being in the eye of the storm.
I couldn't get out.
I was stuck inside.
my mind was screaming.
screaming to point it deafen me.
I was selfish to cry.
selfish to make people other's unhappy.
selfish to make people stay awake for me.
selfish i am.
The screaming was loud inside my head and it wouldn't stop.
It screamed so loudly.
I dug my nails into my chest causing deep cuts that bled.
The pain distracted me from the screaming.
The screaming stopped.
The screaming was my mind trying to escape it's imprisonment.
It didn't stop.
I had to trave for 2 hours on no sleep.
24 hours of no sleep.
I cried the whole way there as the panic attack kept getting stronger.
I was angry at myself for acting like a child.
The screaming inside my head was so loud.
I couldn't stop crying.
I wanted the pain back.
I felt so sick.
I thought I was going to vomit.
I couldn't eat or drink.
I couldn't do anything.
I couldn't even walk or sit down.
The pain was so strong. Not physical.
Not physical.
I needed that physical pain.
I needed to cut.
I needed to break free.
I needed to be cold.
I needed to feel cold.
I needed to feel normal.
It finally stopped.
It finally went.
It finally stopped.
24 hours later.
I was given medication.
a numbness
a numbness to stop it.
a numbness that would make it go away.
It helped me cope.
YOU ARE READING
This is my thoughts.
Historia CortaThis is closure This is a message. A message that you are not alone. That there are people going through the same pain as you.
