CC7

CC7 - Part 19

I had no awareness of time. It could have been seconds, minutes our hours of Camila sitting on the floor with me. She wasn’t saying anything except for a few words of reassurance that the she was there for me. Letting go was extremely difficult at first, but at a certain point I hadn’t been able to hold it in any longer.

Camila didn’t seem to mind that I was drenching her shirt in my tears. Her slender arms were wrapped tightly around me while I sobbed quietly. It was quite exhausting to muffle my sobs, and I felt my chest heaving laboriously with every breath. I couldn’t recall ever crying that much but I was crying tears that were long overdue. The pain and sadness that had accumulated for many years seemed to crush me, making me unable to stop although I felt humiliated.

Slowly regaining some composure, I took a few very deep breaths and inhaled the scent of the left-midfielder’s shampoo inadvertently. The familiarity of that smell calmed me down even more. I closed my eyes and became more aware of my surroundings again which filled me with great shame. This was not how I wanted anyone to see me; especially not Camila who had her own fair share of family issues.

I pulled away and quickly wiped the last tears off my face, determined not to meet the hazelnut orbs that I knew were focused on me.

“I’m…so sorry”, my voice was hoarse and cracked almost.

“For what?” the other brunette asked softly and brushed the side of my face with her hand.

“This…I don’t know what came over me”, I kept my eyes focused on the floor, ignoring her affection, in hopes I would calm down.

“You don’t have to apologize at all”, she sounded genuine but I shook my head instantly.

“This is embarrassing”, I scoffed bitterly and swallowed heavily.

“No, it’s not”, Camila disagreed more sternly and dropped her hand to put it on top of mine.

“I should go outside and take a walk or something”, my instincts told me to escape the situation but the younger one squeezed my hand firmly.

“Don’t go, please”, she pleaded. “It’s okay, really. You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’ve broken down in front you a few times, and I don’t remember you thinking it was embarrassing. Why would I think that about you then?”

“Because this is not me”, I argued and finally looked sideways to meet her gaze.

“What isn’t you?” she questioned carefully.

“I’m not weak”, I emphasized and saw her eyebrows lifting slightly.

“No one said you were”, her hand interlaced our fingers while speaking quietly. “But even if you were, there’s nothing wrong with needing a little help sometimes.”

“I’m not the one that needs help”, I sighed deeply and recalled what had brought on my breakdown in the first place.

“Then who does?” the husky voice was cautious but concerned.

“I can’t tell you”, I replied and shook my head again.

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t told anyone…ever” I answered just above a whisper and wasn’t aware that we were not averting our eyes from each other for a single second.

“You can tell me”, she suggested delicately without being too pressing.

“You…would never look at me the same”, I completely slipped up and answered way too honestly for my taste.

“Don’t you dare even think that I would ever judge you”, Camila’s tone was tender yet intent. “Do you honestly think I have any right to judge anyone? I mean, I got pregnant, married, divorced and thrown out by my parents before reaching my legal drinking age”, she smiled very subtly to make me feel better and it worked.