When you Say Goodbye

seeing again

Ditiya hefted her laptop bag onto one shoulder, balanced her duffle on top of her suitcase and dragged it off the O'Hare airport's exit in Chicago and headed for the taxi rank. It was chilly outside of the airport and still dark, although the air was giving hints of the rising sun.

It might be the worst decision she had ever made, but it was the only one she could have made. Ditiya couldn't believe how nervous she was. The palms of her hands were sweating, and her heart raced anxiously inside her chest.

Actually, it was worse than expected—the worst, she had quit her job day before just to come to Chicago. Ditiya couldn't think what else she could have done after receiving an email from Dhruv saying:

As a high school student, I met and fell deeply in love with Shreya. In many ways, it was one of the easy things I ever did. I delight in her beauty, revel by how she changed herself for me, and warm myself on her giving, caring persona. I find myself amazed at the privilege of sharing life with her. Maybe the easiest thing I did, loving her had given me back a sense of control over my life and heart. Even when Shreya successfully went through the five stages of anxiety. Then suffered a nervous breakdown and slipped into a severe depression, which resulted in bipolar disorder. I still had all the controls because seeing all she had wanted to do was lie down and be left alone, had managed to kick adrenaline into my system and gave me false strength. As I realized then that I would place nothing before Shreya's well being, not even myself.

But her suspicions of my faithfulness grew and our marriage began to suffer, with arguments and verbal abuse becoming an everyday occurrence. We fought, argued, and broke things. I thought I was making sacrifices for her well being. Then one day I understood that I am the reason behind all her pain.

Ditiya didn't understand why he wrote this mail to her. She wondered if the email had anything to do with his relationship with her. It was not clear why he was writing to her about Shreya. Until she read the next part.

I shouldn't have told her about you but something had urged me to confide in Shreya because I felt like I was cheating on her. And I hated feeling that way. Shreya hated you more than she could ever remember hating anything before in her life. Maybe she viewed you as her competition or maybe she knew that, though you left for good you took a piece of me. That part of my heart that you claimed is still with you, out there. It always will be.

Here Ditiya had to stop and take a few deep breaths before going on.

She could not compete with you and she knew it. I knew that too, in a way, but it was not until you send me the photo of you with your boyfriend. I hated it and I had no right to feel that way, and you had every right to be happy with someone else I guess. I was intruding upon the place, that didn't belong to me. You did something that terrified me more than Shreya's illness. It was the worst time in the world to fall in love with you, but I had no control over it. When I saw you the first time I didn't really find you very attractive—not my type at all. I had never heard before someone to talk so fast and so much. And let me tell you, you were a horrible cook, everything either used to be over seasoned or undercooked. Then I realized how much I like that you always had some stupid thing to say about issues you could never comprehend. And loved it when you used to take bites of my cooking, then closing your eyes, you would let out a moan of delight. 'I didn't want to feel that way was happy with Shreya, and I certainly didn't expect to fall in love with you, but bit by bit you crept under my guard.

Ditiya read the email again to make sure she'd seen them correctly. She couldn't believe this was happening. She sat there, immobile, staring at the computer screen with a blank expression, completely stunned by his brief confession.