When you Say Goodbye

Second Kiss

The days turned into weeks. The weeks turned into months. Before they know it was already April. Dhruv and Ditiya were under the blanket, curled together on the couch.

He jammed the bottle gingerly between his knees, leaned over Ditiya, and ran a finger down her cheek. The night was very quiet outside as compared with the nights in the spring. Just a lone cricket was half-heartedly chirping somewhere. They were curling closer, he could see Ditiya's breath dance across his lips. He could not feel it though. Between the alcohol and Ditiya - mainly Ditiya - A chill ran through his spine like his belly was dropping the temperature, cooling him from the inside out, skin prickling.

Dhruv had thought about this before; has since they had laid next to each other, fully clothed, just after Ditiya had poured her heart out to him about all of her insecurities, he was a good listener but Ditiya was left all vulnerable, uncovered, exposed to his will. And when she fell asleep she looked so peaceful, so innocent. It was at that moment that he thought he had never, and would never; see anyone more beautiful than Ditiya. And at the same time, he doubted his feelings for Shreya; did he ever felt the same about her: if he had loved her before, did he still love her? Dhruv didn't cope well, and if he were being honest, he still doesn't. He had become good at compartmentalizing though - and lying, and pretending, and most importantly telling himself he cannot and he would not ever let the new foolish feeling come between him and Shreya.

Now, at present Dhruv was very scared nothing like this had ever happened to him before it was like a test and he was failing miserably because now Ditiya's lips parted as his thumb traced the outline of her lips. He could feel her breath, quick and warm on his hand. Her cheeks were flushed. He blamed the alcohol for it, he shouldn't have drunk so much wine and at least not with Ditiya.

Now all he could see, taste and breath were Ditiya and selfishly he allows it.

Dhruv wanted to go out and party but Ditiya had to show him the bottle of wine... A gift from an America admirer. He quickly felt a burn of jealousy and couldn't say no to share it. And that's the problem nowadays he rarely could say no to Ditiya. Dhruv was supposed to be strong, but Ditiya was the fire for his mouth. Sometimes that scared him so much that he wanted to run away, so fucking far away, and he had a few times, but he could never get far. The other problem was the last thing Dhruv ever wanted to do was rely on someone to breathe, and break the promises he made to Shreya back home.

Then suddenly they were closer than ever before, Ditiya's chest against his, knees dug into his hips, tongue in his mouth. Dhruv would never say he felt fireworks, or that Ditiya's fingers were giving electric shock on his neck. Dhruv would never admit that all he wanted to do was take her to his room, hide under his warm blanket, and kiss her until their mouths are raw until they swear their breaths are one.

"Dhruv," Ditiya murmured into his mouth, and Dhruv kisses the words away. He didn't have any idea about how long they have been kissing, whether it had been minutes or hours. Dhruv could hear his breathing getting heavier and more pronounced like he ran a marathon.

Suddenly Ditiya shifted awkwardly and his penis throbbed against her thigh, hard and hot, but it was only for a moment before awareness comes screaming out of his brain. Control was hanging by a thread, his conscience started bothering him, and he thought probably will never be able to look into Shreya's eye again. Ditiya didn't make it any easier, mouth blindly following every time Dhruv tried to break away. He had to reach for her jaw, saying her name twice or thrice before she opened her eyes slowly as if awakening from a dream. For a moment Dhruv felt like reality hitting them as harsh as the wind outside.

"Hey," he said, softly.

Ditiya blinked, once, twice, eyes dark and hooded, filled with something Dhruv had seen before. Love and lust and fear have become so intertwined that Dhruv was not sure which one it was that pools in his chest. "Hi."