Anus: The Muskening

A tour of Elon's musky cavern

As one enters the anus of Elon Musk, the most penetrating physical experience is the inherent scent of pure Musky musk. It is generated deep inside the underground lakes found beneath the rectum. In these lakes, pure quartz crystals grow beneath the salty water. The rectum itself is bejewelled with diamonds and amethysts which are the product of mineral deposits originating from deep inside the colon, and also features decorative cave paintings. The world inside of Elon's cavernous anal canal is a utopian system of tunnels, eroded from years and years of vigorous shagging, and the use (and subsequent absorption) of Himalayan pink salt butt plugs. This buildup of salt and minerals has led to a distinctive musky aroma, hence the name Elon Musk; it has also formed stalactites and stalagmites. There is a a wooden Boardwalk leading through the anus and deep into the Elon Colon, where there is a small village. Yaks, buffalo and wild horses meander peacefully through Elon's ass, unhindered by global warming as they reside within their own microcosm. The cold damp anal environment provides the perfect conditions for algae blooms, seaweed and small cave-dwelling blind fish.

Elon is unable to take a shit, as this will harm the ecosystem of vulnerable wildlife in his butt. The last time he excreted a turd, it caused a landslide of axolotl and minerals in a foul green soup of algae and diarrhoea. It sold on skincare dot com as an organic face mask for £69,000,000.