The Analyzing of Ticci Toby by Timothy Wright

Entry #1

My name is Timothy Wright, otherwise known as Masky. This is the first entry in my analysis of the individual known as Tobias Erin Rogers, aka Ticci Toby.

I suppose I should start with what I, and probably you, know already.

Ticci Toby is many things. He was a son and a brother, and he was a mentally unstable person.

Is a mentally unstable person. 

He is a boy with scars and a stutter. He is a person with issues, but who isn't? He can't feel pain, it makes him a danger to himself and others. It's a wonder he hasn't snapped his own neck yet, whether by accident or just by being as crazy as he is. But, still, he's more.

Toby is not all there in the head at times, he has delusions on his worst days and voices in his head on his best. He's fucked up, we all are. He is someone worthy of being hated and loved all at once, an opinion I had barely come to terms with. Trust me, it was a hard won battle to see past all the annoying shit Toby has hassled me with on a daily basis for as long as I've known him.

He's a friend, something I haven't always agreed with. Only recently have I found it easy to refer to him as such.

He was annoying, is annoying. Only, now that I'm less irritated by everything he does, do I see the difference between his annoying nature and his endearing attitude. God he's still such an ass sometimes. His endless calls of 'Hey Masky!' and whatever else he chose to annoy me about at any given moment of the day were easily overused. But, I had moved past it. Mostly.

He is a proxy, another thing I didn't particularly like a one time. 

He was better than me at my own job at one point. Slenderman made him second in command instead of me at that time and, as unprofessional as it was, I did not take it well. But, I did come to terms with it, begrudgingly, and eventually wormed my way back to being a respected proxy instead of acting like a child more than I already had been.

Toby. Tobias. I can't say he's a good person, granted I can't say that about any of us. Not even Sally, despite her kindness. But, he's not evil. He's overly childish, brash, and a bit spiteful at times, but he could be kind. He has his moments, most of them with Sally and EJ, but he still had them.

I witnessed him cry before. I wasn't a friend to him yet, but I believe it to be a moment that led us to the friendship we have now, however unstable it may be. He'd broken down about his sister, Lyra. It came to my attention after that about just how frequently he fretted over his loss of her, despite having had time to move on. Of course, I understood it well enough. Some people take longer, and, when combined with his disorders, it made sense Toby was taking more time.

His bipolar disorder was one of his most frustrating parts when we first started the road to becoming friends. I didn't blame him for his emotions; I couldn't. He wasn't in control of that, but I can't say it made it any easier. I'd get close to having an actual conversation with him and he'd switch up everything in seconds, leaving me in the dust with no idea what had happened.

It never got easier, he refused any medications or any kind of help for any disorders. We doubted they'd work anyway. But, it wasn't impossible to see past the disorder. EJ was his first friend, and he helped me see past my childish jealousy when Toby was the number one proxy, and again when I found it difficult to hold conversations with him. I never properly thanked him, perhaps I'll do something after this for him.

Our friendship is...unsteady to say the least. It's not as bad as it was before, he still trips me in the halls and calls my name while I'm working simply to annoy me, but it certainly isn't best friend level either. I do wonder if we'll ever make it there.