Wanting you..

5

I want him.. I want him all to myself. I want him to be mine, for me to be his. I've realized over the past 2 months that I've been here, with him.. thats the happiest I've been since my father's death. I can't go all depressed again! I just can't. Its not good for my health, physically or mentally. He makes me so damn happy.
Isn't that what counts? For someone to make you happy? And for someone to love you, with everything that they have?
I love this boy!! I do. But I don't think he feels the same way.

I thought deeply to myself, I've been doing this for the past few days. Lately I haven't been around Jacob. I haven't seen or talked to him, for the past 6 days. I've kinda wanted to keep my distance, because I'm catching feelings. Im such a sucker for him.

My mom and I, are currently out shopping. She promised me some new lights for my room, and new rugs. So that's what we were looking for.
'I've realized that you and Jacob have been, distant? What happened. Did that boy break your heart?' she asked, looking through the isle's.

I shook my head and looked down, not wanting to talk about him.
'N-no! Not at all. He would never.'
I quickly say, looking over at her. Confused, on why she would ask such a thing. She knows how much he loves me, as a friend I'm assuming... Clearly, since she always says he tells his mom that.

'Then, whats the reason? You normally can't even go a days without him..you're always either with him, or on the phone with him.'
She kept on. I groaned softly, throwing my head back. My mom shot her head over at me.
'Cant you see?! I-i love him!! I don't know if he feels the same, I don't wanna ruin things. I'm tired of losing people. The ones i love the most. I can't deal with another loss, not again. Not him.' I said a little louder, people know looking In our direction.

I have to get out of here, I need some fresh air. I told my mom I would be right back, and darted put of the store. I walked back and forth, debating on something.
Finally I just took my phone out, and went my contacts. I scrolled down, until i seen 'jakey💓'. I clicked on it, and pressed the call button.
He answered, and he didn't sound like himself.

'Jacob?' I say, waiting for his answer.

'y/n.. where have you been? Are you okay?!' He hesitated to ask.

'Yeah... I've been ok. Look, I'm sorry, I've been away. You won't understand-' he cut me off.

'Why? Why stay gone so long. I need you, y/n. Explain to me. Please...'
He sounded so hurt. I frowned, feeling worse.

'I can't lose you, Jacob. I need you. I really need you in my life. What I'm about to say.. you won't understand. So I'm asking you, to bare with me.'
I softly spoke, not wanting to say. I know this will ruin things.

'y/n...' He trailed off...

'I fucking love you, rolf Jacob Sartorius. More then anyone will ever know. After my dad died, I lost all my hope. I had none what so ever. I've tried killing myself, several times. I just didn't wanna live. But with you, I feel like I have a purpose. I feel excepted, and loved. That gap, my dad's death left, you filled it up. I'm so happy with you. Happier then I've been, these past couple years. If I lose you, i lose myself. I'll lose my hope, my pride, my reason to live, my smile.. but most importantly the boy that saved me internally. My best friend. I'm me, because of you! You brought me back, just when i thought i losf myself. I love you, jacob.'
I began to cry, as I hung up the phone. I poured my heart out. I meant every word of that. None of it was a lie. I meant every. Fucking. Word.

Ouch...this one is actually kind of sad. & Trashy... Soo,my bad 😂😂👏🏼 but I hope you enjoy, babes.😁💓 follow me on Instagram if you want! @/storyofjacob