broken - phan

seven

tw: suicide

Phil's POV

It was 5 a.m. now. The shadow of a faint glow of reddish-orange reflected on the water below as it slowly swallowed up the sky. My hands were cold and numb as they brushed against the metal street railing. It was vandalized with various ink, some of spray paint, some carved, and some of sharpie. The one that stood out to me the most was "I jumped here 27-5-01". I wondered if they were missed. I wondered why they did it. I wondered if they knew I was about to do the same thing as them.

I took in the scenery for the last time, smiling nostalgically. I thought about everything that happened here since i moved. nothing good comes to mind. being outed to my mom by my sister, joining a gang, witnessing a murder. but then there was max. he helped me a lot. and dan. the boy i just met. the boy who stole my heart and locked it away, burring the key in the depths a the deepest ocean. i pushed those thoughts back, remembering why i was here. i wouldn't last much longer in the gang. they would tear me to shreds piece by piece not stopping till i was no longer there, just a memory. a floating burden above their heads.

this is it, i thought, this is they day i finally let go.

i stared down at the whirling river that swallowed everything in its path. one foot. my left hand released the street railing. then my right. one more foot then i'd be dead. i wouldn't have to worry about anything or anyone anymore.

so i let go.

and suddenly i find myself wincing in pain from the impact.

i landed on something sharp that winded me. i couldn't breath or speak. was i dying? was i already dead? i didn't dare opened my eyes. but i heard someone speaking to me quietly.

it wasn't from jumping off.

it was from someone stopping me from jumping off.

i tried struggling out of the persons grasp, which was useless. "phil, stop." the semi-deep, familiar voice repeated a few times until i got tired from struggling.

"let me go!" the words echoed. "let me go let me go let me go!" i was screaming now. "let me-" the words fell into sobs as i collapsed into his arms and just cried.

❦

We sat on the side of the road for about an hour ignoring the weird glares from the early rising drivers. it was probably 5 am by now.

"phil" his words were soft yet shaky as he still held me tight in his arms. "why would you try to do something like that? you could have died." i turned around for the first time to face the boy making sure that he was still actually there and not just some figment of my imagination.

he looked like he had also been crying. his face had splotchy red spots all over it indicating some sort of distress. i tried to ignore it know that if i knew how much that he actually cared about me- for him to actually cry because i tried to do this- i knew that i would tell him the truth. so i released myself from his loosening grasp to face him directly. we were both sitting cross legged.

"dan- i- he-" i wasn't sure how to start that sentence without telling the truth.

if dan knew that i am in the gang that killed his brother and are coming for him next, what ever we have would be over. and i couldn't let that happen.

he stared at me waiting for a response. "i- i'm bisexual and my sister outed me. my mom kicked me out. i thought that this was it. if my own family can't love me than no one can, right?"

his eyes met mine. "holy shit i'm so sorry. i don't know what to say. what do you say in these types of situations?" i let a laugh slip out of me.

"you don't have to say anything. just by being here you are helping me." i smile at him.

he smiled back. "let's go home"

❦
AN//

jdjsjdjddjjdj sorry for the shorter chapter i just needed to get something out since i haven't updated since august. love you all and see you in the next chapter!!

oh and sorry that after the first two paragraphs i stopped capitalizing, i turned auto-caps off and i'm to lazy to turn it back on :)