optional // l.s.

four (*)

trigger warning: mentions of depression, mentions of abuse/molestation & mentions of self harm

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louis lied, a lot.

"i'm cold."

"i just have low iron, i get cold easily."

"it's freezing in here, mrs. jones!"

"i'm just tired."

"'s just allergies."

"liam, i'm okay."

"zayn, i'm a few days clean."

"i'm doing better, mr. styles."

it made his stomach churn. his soul scratched and pounded inside to let loose, pleading him to set himself free of all his problems.

run away from home.

be better.

forget your family.

but no, he couldn't. his family was all he had when he was younger, he can't just leave them now. he didn't want to disappoint his mum by abandoning his dad and brother but then again he was diappointing her by not taking care of himself better. he cuts himself, barely eats, cries himself to sleep and lives in an abusive home.

he needed his mum. if she didn't die, things would be like they were years ago -- family night once a week with a movie and a bunch of snacks while playing uno or skip bo, monthly trips to the movies for the boys keeping their grades up and getting cool things for christmas.

now, louis doesn't have family night. the closest thing to family night is when someone is smashing their knuckles into his arms. the closest thing to family night is when he has to shove his hand down someone's pants to lighten up the beatings. the closest thing to family night is when louis turns the shower on so hot he burns his skin and proceeds to make things worse by scrubbing the filth away and making his arms raw.

louis remembered when they first started. his dad got drunk and pushed his brothet, making him hit his head on a table. he continued to get drunk and hit ethan, so ethan turned around and did the same to louis because it was unfair that he was the only one getting hurt. louis once retaliated and the lad learned never to do it again because he ended up getting a black eye, a busted lip and wasn't able to walk for days.

yet he still can't grow the courage to walk out.

it was eating him alive. he hasn't been taking his pills, hasn't been eating properly, he has more scars than he does clothes and he's scared.

he's scared of failure. he's scared of being a disappointment.

he's petrified that he will end up leaving when it's too late.

"do you need to see a counselor?" zayn asked softly. "my mum takes me to a really good therapist...he's really cool. his name is austin, he's really good with breaking things down to dummy terms and he's helped me find coping skills that actually work... you're miserable, louis. everyone can see it."

obviously god hasn't, because he hasn't put him out of his misery. he's only made it worse.

"i-i can't make it to appointments or anything," louis shook his head.

"i can take you," zayn offered. "i have my own car and i will personally take you so you can get better. it's hard, trust me, i completely understand. just give it a shot, louis. you never know, talking to someone who can help makes things easier."

louis bit his lip and nodded. "i-uh, i can't call to schedule anything..."

"you don't have a phone?"

louis shook his head.

"i'll talk to my mum," zayn said. "i'll see what i can do, okay?"

louis stared at the hazel eyed boy and nodded, pulling his beanie down. "okay. thank you."

he wasn't going.

he couldn't tell a stranger his problems and then get told he's crazy.

is he crazy? is he normal? what the fuck is he supposed to do?

hi, my name is louis. i'm seventeen, a capricorn and i'm molested at home. my mum died and my dad is a raging alcoholic, he beats my brother and my brother beats me. i've been contemplating suicide for a year and a half. i'm okay though, i promise.

like...what? how does he get that out to someone, let alone a therapist? he could easily get taken away by child protective services, someone would be put in jail for child molestation. they would be listed as a registered sex offender. just because they have ruined louis' life doesn't mean he could ruin theirs.

he's seriously putting his endagerment before himself. he can't help it.

louis kept his head down in fourth. he didn't make eye contact with mr. styles. he finished both books and had nothing to read so he decided to hide away in the silent room. his seat was in the back and louis could care less if he was noticed. he didn't like his classmates anyways, they were pretty, snooty and cocky. the girls in the front would have heart eyes for the man who taught the class and the guys would always interrupt the lecture by laughing too loud over something utterly ridiculous. most of his classes were the same.

"hey," louis heard a familiar voice next to him. "are you okay today?"

louis lifted his head and laid his cheek on his arms, shrugging. "i guess."

"do you want to stay after and talk?" harry asked softly. "you seem distraught."

"that's a big word," louis mumbled.

"means upset or agitated," harry cheekily replies. "do you want another book? i can find one for you."

"if you want," louis shrugged again. "i don't mind. i'm just tired." of life.

harry nodded and patted his arm, walking to his bookshelf. he pulled out a book that caught his eye and he placed it on the boy's desk.

"it's a thriller and a mystery novel," harry commented. "there's three in the collection. this is the first book. this is one of my personal favorites, been reading it over and over since i was fifteen."

louis gazed at the interesting cover. there was what seemed like a butterfly with green eyes in the wings. louis also took note that the butterfly was made from a silhouette of a boy and a girl. the book was called shelter by harlan coben.

"if you are interested, i have the second and third book if you want to read those when you finish shelter," harry offered with a small smile. "don't doubt my interests. i'm a sucker for young adult books."

"lame," louis joked and read the back. it definitely hooked him. "i'll get right to it. thank you, mr. styles."

it got to the point that louis only enjoyed going to school to not only get out of the house, but to have the opportunity to see a beautiful man everyday after lunch with a new book waiting for him once he finished reading the one he currently had.

---

you guys notice that they're bonding over books? i think it's cute.

i highly recommend any book that is mentioned in this fic. they are my personal favorites, so you will see snippets of the type of books i like to read! here's a short filler until i can come up with a good full chapter. most chaps will probably be this length.

thank you for 300 reads! x