optional // l.s.

thirteen (*)

trigger warnings: talk of self harm and eating disorders.

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the ride to the halfway house was silent. louis was transported by a safety officer, so he was pretty much in the back of a cop car. liam wasn't allowed to take him because they feared he would take louis back home, but he followed the car to the place.

ethan did turn himself in. liam showed him on a website from the local jail. he had counts of child abuse, assault, molestation and sexual assault. his mugshot was sickening but louis was relieved the man was out of his life for a while.

louis sighed and leaned against his arms. they had him cuffed so he wouldn't attempt anything but the boy was just too exhausted to even bother arguing against it. they recommended louis get a mental evaluation at the institution as well, to see if they could by any chance prescribe him meds or get him a therapist.

louis longed for harry. he wanted to just be in his arms and never come out of them. it was wrong, so wrong. but louis didn't care. anytime he was around the man he felt whole. he felt as if nothing was wrong and he could just pour his heart and soul into him.

he felt like harry was his guardian angel.

is that even a thing? guardian angels, are they angels or guards? whatever they were, louis imagined mr. styles as one. he proved louis could rely on him. he visited him in the hospital, sent him gifts, gave him his number in case he needed a hand. he never forced louis to talk, but when he did it was heartbreaking. harry would sit and listen. the two got along perfectly.

louis craved kisses from him. he missed his soft hands and musky cologne. he was caring, he was kind, he was everything louis hoped for in someone. yes, he has liam, but liam is like the big brother he needed. louis needed an outsider and harry just so happened to be one.

the house was called revive. it was a large two story building with a few windows here and there. there were a few young people littered in the yard with older ones (who louis assumed were employees) supervising them.

louis nervously fiddled with his bandages. he unpeeled them and put them back on. unwrap, wrap. unwrap, wrap.

the officer parked the car and let louis out. he hesitantly unlocked the handcuffs and put them back around his belt loop. zayn and liam walked up to the duo sadly. liam was upset that louis was so hurt. zayn was proud of him for doing what was right.

"i heard they let you write letters," liam said as louis stared at his feet. "and if you progress you can have phone calls or contact visits."

louis silently nodded and looked up. "i don't wanna be here."

zayn sighed. "i know, bub, but this is what's best."

louis frowned but nodded again. he hugged his friends before following the officer inside to the reception area.

the floors were polished tile. louis' shoes tapped against them as he walked and he almost tripped over his feet when the bottom of his shoe skid across the floor. the walls were covered in picture frames and painted quotes about recovery and religion. louis hoped they wouldn't try to shove anything down his throat because with all of the fucked up things he's gone through, he's mad at god.

he's mad at god for taking his best friend away from him. mad because everything was perfectly fine and suddenly it wasn't. he was mad because people say 'god has a reason for everything' but what was his reasoning for louis being tortured? did he just sit in the sky and watch him touch and be touched? why?

why did his mum have to die? why did his dad form an addiction? why did his happy family turn into one that didn't even speak on first name basis?

the officer handed over a file to the man behind the desk. he skimmed through it and nodded when his information matched up with the hospital's. he made some copies and snapped a bracelet around louis' wrist for the inpatient program. he put different bands of multiple colors on his other arm.

red for suicide watch, yellow for self harm and green for "awol", for the patients who had a tendency to try to break out or run from a caretaker and hide.

louis was led to the second floor. it looked like the bottom with the pictures and paintings. there were doors that littered the hall and the boy was stopped when he got to the last door on the left.

"you do have a roommate since we are a little overcrowded," a woman said. "but there is a barrier between the beds. this door doesn't lock and the windows do not open. nurses will be in and out quite a bit to check on you."

louis nodded and sighed once he was allowed in his room. two twin sized beds were split on opposite walls. the walls themself were an off white and empty. the beds had only one pillow and one sheet on them. there were no outlets, no lamps, nothing breakable or harmful.

the woman followed louis in and gave him a bundle of clothes. they were pants with no strings and a sweatshirt because the house was fairly air-conditioned, even in the winter.

"we have to take your shoes, any jewelry, and anything you have involving strings or punctures," the woman said. louis sighed and took the clothes, finding his way to the bathroom to change. he gave up his sweatpants and shoes, watching the lady put them in a bag and mark his name on it.

"dinner will be at six," she said. "someone will come up to retrieve you and meet with us down in the dining hall."

louis nodded again and sat on the bed, soon left with the eerie silence of the empty room.

---

louis' roommate was a boy named wesley. he was admitted for having an eating disorder and self-harming. he was a petite blonde with short hair. he said the institution made him cut it because it was too long when he came in. louis was then worried about losing his own hair because he never liked it short.

dinner was weird. louis was greeted by chirpy girls and guys that had bibles in their pockets. they tried to ask him if he knew about jesus and he just brushed it off, saying he was religious just to get them off of his back. it wasn't a good lie, but it also wasn't a bad one.

louis wasn't hungry, so he offered his food to another girl who stayed in his hall. although he did take the grapes and barely snack on them.

louis already wanted to go home. he wanted to lay in his own bed and sleep in his own room, wear his own clothes and go to his own school. he wanted nothing more but to be back in liam's house, smoke with zayn and ride their skateboards around.

wesley seemed like an alright boy, though. he tried to cheer louis up by balancing grapes on his nose (which ended up all in the floor) and telling him corny jokes. louis wouldn't laugh because they were funny, but because they were stupid.

dinner ended at eight. the residents then had to either take showers or get ready for bed. louis insisted he took a shower because he could still smell hospital chemicals on him. was that even possible? he wasn't sure but he just wanted to feel clean.

"i was in your shoes once," wesley chirped when louis laid in his small bed.

"huh?"

"i've been in your spot before," wesley said again. "coming to a recovery house, meeting new people. it's hard but ot gets easier over time. i've been here for eleven months and i get to leave here soon because i've been doing good."

louis congratulated him on his success and stared up at the ceiling.

"you can do this, mate. i have faith in you. if you ever need to talk, i'm here. and i'm serious, because i know how it feels."

louis thanked him and something deep inside of him told him maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

---

hallo fellow humans (:

quick question: do you think this fic is realistic? aside from the obvious elephant in the room aka lou&harry

& another: who is your favorite character so far?

we're close to 2k! thank you guys, i appreciate it. your votes & comments make my day. 💙