Taking sides

Chapter 10: Recruitment

The watchful eyes upon me seemed to falter as Lieutenant Cruise's transformation continued, he was gone and a horror was left in his place. It was strange to not hearing his orders during training. Whenever they called his name now I was shocked to see the hulking beast that answered, I still couldn't quite believe it was him. I found myself hoping that his change had been a nightmare that he was busy but it was real. It felt difficult to watch him struggle, to look into his eyes and hope there would be some form of recognition but to find nothing. It broke my heart a little each time. The only minor benefit of this terrible moment is that it allowed to pair with Wystan and talk to Lucy-Maker, I had missed them both- and I needed them now more than ever. At first, I didn't quite know what to say and neither did they. I can only assume they felt some sense of guilt. I wanted to say so much but I feared becoming close with them again as wouldn't they suffer the same fate. Could I bear to watch them fade away? The loss of Lieutenant Cruise seemed to hit us all harder than we had expected, all except for the new recruits. I couldn't tell if they were fortunate to not have to feel the strange sense of loss, or was it sad that they would never get to meet the man. On some level, I blamed Samson but also was feeling more and more at a loss with him. I felt conflicted. I knew I shouldn't be thinking of him as anything but my General but I found my imagination had ideas of its own. Each time I saw Samson after the moment in the healing tent, he no longer acknowledged me, he looked away.

I took this opportunity to send another report to the Inquisition, telling them of our movements, recruitment, all I could ascertain well no eyes were upon me. I once again left out any remark upon my condition as the withdrawal had frightened me. I was dependent upon red lyrium now, and I did not wish to admit that it was beginning to affect me, even to myself. So I set the crow free, hearing it caw in the distance as it was free to come and go as it pleased, the very thought brought back that envy. I felt tied here, leashed to red lyrium, I had been lucky enough to not fee this as keenly as my fellow Templar's. This was a cruel dependency to enforce upon those who only wished to serve and protect, well that was all most Templar's wanted to do.

As I stepped into Samson's tent to get my lyrium dose, I found him pacing. He turned to look at me and stated almost accusingly, "you."

I felt weary as he tore over. I tensed not sure what to expect as his tone suggested to me I had done something wrong. He scrutinized my face before remarking, "yes, that could work. You have that dopey doe-eyed look."
I narrowed my eyes, feeling a little insulted by his abrasive manner. "Excuse me, Sir?"

"Lieutenant Cruise often aided with recruitment and in his current form he would be better when strong arming is necessary. You would prove useful as you still look relatively untouched by the red."

"You want me to aid with recruitment?"

I wasn't sure how I felt about dragging more hapless Templar's down on their luck to this end but I was sure that Samson wasn't asking.

"You seem to be the best candidate. You haven't got any obvious signs of corruption like your fellow Templar's. Even your eyes don't show any telling signs of corruption, " he stated with what sounded like disbelief.

I had to hold my tongue. Many remarks came to mind but I had to be more careful around him, so I settled for giving him a scathing look . He just appeared amused. "You will have to do better than that sweetheart. You might want to clean yourself up before we move out." He finished looked me up and down. I wasn't dirty, well no more than my fellow Templar's, he was making a point of being harsh with me-maybe to show how he didn't have any other choice but me.

He placed my lyrium dose before me, there were only two vials. Why had my dose dropped? This wouldn't be enough to settle the thirst even for a moment. I wanted to ask why my dose had lessened but I feared the craving would add a desperate edge to my question, so I swallowed the meager amount swiftly and left before I could give it another moment of thought and said something foolish.