Taking sides

Chapter 14: Comfort

I pulled up swiftly. It took some time to realise why I was not in my own tent. I looked over at Warren in his own cot who seemed to be sleeping rather peacefully. I did not wish to wake him, so I pulled up and snuck out as quietly as possible. The dawn painted the world in a gentle hue, shame I couldn't appreciate the beauty of it, it was as if the joy of the moment was lost under the weight of my conscience. I had done so many terrible things as my nightmares would often recount for me, adding to the shame growing within me. I began to return to our tent, hoping I wouldn't be disturbing Wystan and Lucy. When I reached the tent and dropped my voice to what I hoped was an audible whisper, "Are you decent?"

Only silence answered my call. I cautiously ventured in. I looked around to find that I couldn't see anyone. A cot was overturned in the corner of the tent. As I walked over to investigate, I saw someone lying on the ground. It was Lucy and she wasn't moving. I became terrified that she had become a beast last night, I dragged the cot away so I could get to her and pulled closer. What was sticking to my boots? I looked down and I gasped. It was blood. The ground was soaked with it. I dropped to my knees, not caring for the dampness rising around my knees as I was consumed by only by s growing sense of alarm. I took a shaky hand to her shoulder, she was cold. I was now terrified to pull her toward me. I did not want this sinking feeling to have a reason. I rolled her toward me and found her lifeless eyes were all that stared back. She was so cold, this damn red lyrium. It felt so strange like one of my many nightmares. Maybe I would truly awake and breathe a sigh of relief. This horrific image did not fade, I did not wake up. I pulled her into my arms, what comfort could I give now? She was gone. It didn't sink in until I looked down at her and found that her wrists were cut open. The lyrium had not torn her apart, she had torn herself apart. I had known she feared to become a beast but had I known the depths of her terror I wouldn't have left her. If I had been here I could have done something, but I wasn't here. I had failed her. I felt heartbroken and helpless holding her limp body in my desperate embrace. I clung to her tightly as the tears flowed.

I felt a distance from the world around me, all felt strange. I continued in the vain desperate hope that this was all a nightmare, "Wake up," I whimpered. My voice sounded muffled.

When I found I could not wake up from this nightmare, I heard a disembodied cry ring out. I was barely aware that the cry was my own until a vague burning in my throat made me realize it was. I felt a weight taken from my arms and could hear an incessant mumbling before me. I looked down to find Lucy gone. I panicked and cast my eyes up to see Wystan. I struggled to focus on him, the image before me clearer as I blinked away the unspent tears burning my eyes. I could now see his expression was that of a destroyed man, and that one of his eyes was edged by bruising. He cradled Lucy close to him, pleading with her. "Wake up."

His voice came to my dulled senses as a whisper. I did not know what to say to him, as the shock was making it so difficult to believe it to be real. I felt the warmth of another envelop me, I did not resist it. I pressed my head to a breastplate and did not move until I was motioned to so. I heard my name whispered, "Bethan."

The volume seemed to flood back like the shock was wearing off and the cold reality was dawning upon me. I looked up and felt a sense of confusion upon seeing an unknown Templar looking down upon me. He must have walked in when we were dazed, our senses that dulled.

"Bethan, you need to talk to Wystan. We need to take Lucy away, but he won't part with her."

I looked to Wystan clinging tightly to her, rocking back and forth. How could I ask him to let her go? I could not believe that she was gone. I crawled over to where Wystan was cradling Lucy to himself. I embraced them both, feeling Lucy slowly being edged away from us by this unknown Templar. This left Wystan lost, looking down at his hands until I pulled my arms around him and held to him tightly. I still had no words, this was all the comfort I could give. His embrace was so tight around me it was hard to breathe, but I said nothing. I let him weep, while his head pressed to my shoulder. I wept with him until my eyes were blurry. I took a deep breath as his grip loosened about me and he slumped back, his sad eyes fixed upon me. "This is my fault," he strained.