Taking sides

Chapter 19: Deeper into the darkness

I roused to the strange sensation that I was being watched. Opening my eyes slowly, I was greeted by the image Samson wide-awake beside me with a smug grin on his face. He looked happy and I wondered if that was because of my presence or if I had merely satisfied an urge? I yawned and lazily asked, "Were you watching me sleep?"

His fingers brushed my cheek gently and his eyes locked on mine. "Yes, you look so peaceful. Adorable almost. I hate that word but it seems to fit."

My cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, as I don't think any man has ever called me adorable. The gentleness of his gaze made me want to draw closer, and stay here with him in this moment forever but I could not so I was forced to break from his hold, and gaze. I sighed heavily sitting up, "I suppose I will have to return to camp before they notice me gone."

"Shame we can't stay here," he replied wistfully.

"What would we be doing if we stayed?"

"I don't think I need to tell you that, do I? I would be taking you in every way I could think of."

"You're not making a case to leave, are you?" I stated with red deepening upon my cheeks.

Samson had such a seductive quality to his voice and smile. Both the predatory one and the sweet one made me nervous for different reasons. He turned me to face him and leaned closer, I instinctively closed my eyes as his lips brushed gently against mine, teasing with soft caresses until my whole body was tingling. He was such a good kisser and the passionate deep kiss that followed as he pressed his body against mine, slowly edging himself on top, had me craving more. He broke the kiss breathlessly and gasped, "Fuck, I am desperate to have you...but this needs to be secret. It's ridiculous, I know, but power calls for the appearance of self-control."

I had to force my hips back down and look away from him as I was just as intent to have him but I had to protect his reputation for so many reasons. It was when I let these thoughts enter my mind that my heart lurched, as I needed him in charge to help take him down and now I had made it personal for us both.

What have I done?

The loving look on his face is now inescapable, and it is heartbreaking to witness; this may be the sliver of humanity left in him and I will be crushing it, along with him. My chest grows tight and I can't catch my breath. I swiftly pull away and turn the other way so he can't see the torn expression on my face.

"We are moving camp to a stronghold in Emprise du Lion."

"That frozen wasteland! What in Thedas is there?" I exclaimed.

"Don't tell me the cold bothers you?" He teased but held his tongue upon what made Emprise du Lion special.

"No, I don't feel the cold."

"Even if you did, I could keep you warm," he remarked and I could almost picture the sly smile upon his face.

My shoulders dropped as I slouched forward desperate to drop my head into my hands but I didn't want Samson to ask me what was wrong so kept my back to him resisting the urge to be weighed further down by the despair. So I began berating myself internally, if I had only noticed him back in Kirkwall, maybe this betrayal wouldn't be necessary. But I had to return to camp and hope no one had cared enough to note my absence. It felt strange to want to remain with Samson given the knife I would be plunging into his back at some point. I swallowed thickly and reminded myself why it was necessary, but that only reminded me that getting this close had not been part of the plan. My own foolish emotions had clouded my judgment and now I was in deep; mired in a mess I could no longer escape. I dragged myself out of the bed and cleaned myself up. I wanted to exit swiftly without a second look to Samson, but an insistent pull upon my arm dragged me back and once again I was face to face with him, an uneasy smile upon his lips. "You aren't regretting this are you?"