Bookends | Closed

01 | Sometimes They Come Back

Hello and welcome back to my Review Book! Today's chapter will be focused on Sometimes They Come Back by @RainAndSonder on Wattpad.

Sometimes They Come Back is a Horror Short Story written in first person point of view. It follows the story of the narrator and their beloved dog, Rocky, who is lost in the woods. Five years later, Rocky is back and chaos commences.

Here's What I Liked:

Rocky's description was absolutely fantastic. As a dog owner myself, I found myself falling in love with Rocky with the narrator, which made his sudden change that much more jarring. Your imagery even allowed me to envision him in my mind and that's no small feat.

I also loved the cliffhangers you ended every chapter with. You spared no time in getting straight into the action, having introduced Rocky's changed persona and the dangerous repercussions that may have on the family from the first chapter. The ending of the second chapter, in particular, was fantastic. Although I saw it coming, the way it was executed was fresh and put a new spin on a horror cliche. Finally, your final chapter's ending gave me shivers, literally. I read it around midnight and I was looking over my shoulder until the morning! You've found the genre that best fits your voice, which is great, so I'd stick with it.

Here's What I Didn't Like:

The dreaded passive voice. It sneaks into your writing quite often, particularly during action scenes and it drew me out of the narrative. It made me skip the line altogether. Here's an example of when you used the passive voice in Chapter Three: "A twig had snapped behind me,". This is as simple as removing the "had". Not only does it make the sentence concise, it also works as a short, tension-inducing sentence that really sets your hair on edge. Another example in Chapter Two is: "I seemed to have regained control of my limbs, and was about to run back when I noticed something around its neck,". The words "seeming to have" and "about to run" distance your reader form the narrative and make us forget the action going on all together. It bogs down the sentence. This can be changed to "I regained control of my limbs, ready to sprint home when I noticed something around its neck,".

Syntax-wise, you utilize frequent run-on sentences. While this can be advantageous when describing the rambling thoughts of someone panicking, yours is used for action. If you're going to write horror, mystery, or thriller, you should consider using short fragments. They heighten tension, which is central to furthering your plot and maintaining your reader's interest in the conflict. Many of your run-on sentences described Rocky, the woods, or the gore introduced in the third chapter. Unfortunately, I found myself skipping past them as the frequent parenthetical usage turned me off. The content within these sentences, however, are wonderful, so don't be afraid to use shorter phrases to your advantage. There were also one or two sentences that just didn't make sense, such as "There were a few seconds as the words sank in," in Chapter Three. I had to read this a few times to understand it, which does not make it the most effective opening. You can change this to "A few seconds passed as the words sank in,".

There are also a few grammatical errors, such as missing commas and misspelled words, but I'm sure you can catch that on your own. I suggest downloading the browser add-on called Grammarly. It truly saves a manuscript.

Also, and this is more of a nitpicky thing, I noticed that you start quite a few sentences with "And", "And then," and "Suddenly,". While these are effective, they only are when used sparingly so I would stray from using them multiple times per chapter.

This next critique is more content oriented and it regards the ending of your third chapter in particular. I loved reading how the main character was running away (also, side note: why don't we ever get a name for the protagonist? I feel like adding one would help readers connect more to them, which would lead them to root for their survival against Rocky. Just a suggestion.) from Rocky, but the ending left me unsatisfied. First of all, collapsing on the floor of the protagonist's house reminded me of the cliche, "it was all a dream". Even though it wasn't in your case, you don't want your readers to get that idea. They'll feel cheated. Furthermore, the kind of epilogue you had after had good potential, but ultimately did not add to the plot or catch my interest. The story follows the main character when they're a child, or at least, that was what I assumed. Creating an epilogue when they're in their forties makes me think they're a completely different person; they're not the child that I read three chapters for. You could change this to a younger age, perhaps in their late teenage years. They'd still see people going missing, but instead of their son's dog returning, you could say that their sister went missing, or even the neighbor's dog.

Favorite Quote:

"And then, just a few weeks back, my son's dog went missing in the woods. And I'm terrified. Because sometimes they come back."

Rating Out of Five Stars:

★   ★   ★

Note to the Author:

Thank you for submitting your story! It was a pleasure to read and I hope you felt this review was helpful. It is 921 words long.

Anyway, that's it for today. See you next time!