Hello and welcome back! Today's chapter will be focused on Regal by @raxeirra on Wattpad.
Regal is a novel written in varying points of view following the stories of modern day Kings and Queens dethroning each other.
Blurb:
Well, I must say that I really like your blurb. There's obvious stakes and it's intriguing enough for me to start reading. There are some things I'd personally change, though.
For one, it's a bit wordy. Now, I know my blurbs are often really long too, but I think you can cut out a few extra words without the meaning getting lost. Or at least, sharpen up your sentences to heighten tension.
Otherwise, it looks good!
Cover:
It's amazing! It's so pretty and aesthetic and it really fits the tone of the story. I knew before I started reading that it'd be about rich teens getting into trouble (my favorite trope) which is awesome!
What I Liked:
So, I enjoyed this story. The aesthetics were beautiful, the cast was well thought out, and the cute headers on each chapter were eye-catching. Graphic- wise, you have tons of talent!
The story itself was also pretty interesting. It's a typical trope that I've seen before, but I'm a sucker for any rich teen and hidden secrets story so I was a fan, even if I could predict aspects of it.
Also, if you haven't realized by now, I'm huge on grammar and syntax. I'm glad to say that I didn't find any major errors on your part here and my heart is very happy because of it.
Great job so far! This story is going well and it deserves the praise.
What I Didn't Like:
Now, here are some things I felt could be improved.
A big, red, flashing siren went off in my head when I read your prologue. I've commented on this before but I'll say it once again; head hopping is a major turn off for me in a story. What is that, you may ask? Head Hopping is a layman's term for multiple POVS in one scene. The reason I don't like it is because it confuses the reader as to whose eyes we're seeing the story through. I'm all for multiple POVs throughout a story, but hate it in one scene. For example, in the first chapter I was confused about if we were reading from Eloise or Mercedes's point of view. You can make one chapter from Eloise and the next from Mercedes. You can even have one scene from Eloise and then separate the next scene, narrated by Mercedes. When you give me both of them in a paragraph, it's a bit much. Try looking out for that!
Another thing I noted that I had also mentioned before was the passive voice. It's the worst and every author suffers from it at some point, so it's just a matter of catching it when we can. Your story didn't have a crazy amount of passiveness, which is good, but I did notice a few sentences that just pulled me out of the story. For example, you wrote the sentence, "She proceeded to throw the phone against the wall", which is all well and good until you realize that you're halting the action with "proceeded". It's passive. I'd rewrite it so it says, "She threw the phone against the wall" and then follow it with description of the metal phone shattering to pieces or her feelings after her action. This way, the passive voice is eliminated and the action flows nicely. The reader is still involved in the story.
The last piece of advice I'd like to input is the description. It was nice in the beginning, but I had a problem with it after a while. The chapters started to become less action and more describing how rich the characters were. Brand names are great when they're thrown around sparingly, but every other sentence isn't ideal. Your characters would do something cliffhangery at the end of the chapter, which is effective in the reader starting the next, but hurts you in the long run. There isn't enough action in the middle of each chapter and it can bore readers after they read the words "Maserati" more than a few times.
Despite these few critiques, I really enjoyed reading your story! Best of luck in your endeavors.
Favorite Quote:
"Twenty minutes and a broken Cartier bracelet later, Camila zipped up her decoy outfit."
Rating:
★ ★ ★ ★
Note to The Author:
Thank you for submitting your story! It was a pleasure to read and I hope you felt this review was helpful. It is 785 words long.
Anyway, that's it for today. See you next time!
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