Hello and welcome back! Today's chapter will be focused on Beneath the Darkened Heart by @littlesilverwren on Wattpad.
Beneath the Darkened Heart is a novel written in varying points of view following the stories of Triss and Connor as they stumble upon mysterious happenings in their town.
Cover:
So, I know you didn't make this cover yourself, but it's absolutely beautiful! It looks so professional! Kudos to you on utilizing the Wattpad Multimedia Clubs and their respective Artists and all the talents they have to offer. It really ties your story together!
Blurb:
Yet another A+ in my books! You set the scene, the stakes, the characters, the intrigue and I must say that I was hooked. It's well written and gives me a good idea of what your writing will be like— spoiler alert: it's good!
What I Liked:
My heart is so happy. Truly.
Your grammar and syntax were damn close to perfection, a feat I really admire of you! It's really easy to have a few typos or an occasional comma splice, but I didn't catch anything (and I look out for them in particular). There were little to know spelling errors and dialogue rules were followed. Nothing about the technical writing took me out of the story which is amazing! One less thing to worry about. I'm really glad to read this book after you edited it, too! Looks like you did some hard work.
Also, I really like your plot. You might have noticed that I voted on a few of your chapters and that's because I really think they deserved them. The characters are relatable, conversations are vital to the plot without being too lengthy, and pacing was perfect. You've done this story justice!
And like I always say, there's always something to improve on, which I'll go over in the next passage.
What I Didn't Like:
While there weren't many glaring errors that were going off like sirens as I read, there were still some things I felt could have been executed better.
For one, Point of View. Your use of POV wasn't confusing at all. In fact, my issue is if you've chosen the right characters to tell your story. I like the third person (it fits the story well) and I like how you tried out dual, switching POVs between Connor and Triss (maybe a few others characters too? I didn't ready that far). However, I think Triss should be the only one telling this story. The story starts with her and it's about her. Connor makes a great side character, but I don't personally believe that he deserves his own set of chapters. His voice doesn't stand out as well as Triss's. Just a little food for thought. You don't have to change this if you don't want.
Also, I'm not a fan of ellipses and italics as their own sentence. In the first chapter, I noticed you using italics to convey Triss's thoughts, which is fine, but I don't think you need them. There are other ways to show what she's thinking without a "oh my... god..." type of situation, if that makes sense. Show, don't tell!
Furthermore, while I did enjoy the plot and the pacing, the start of the chapter was a little slow. You're not starting at the inciting accident, the conflict that makes your story run. You're starting a little earlier which totally kills some good suspense and tension you could have spent words building. I suggest that instead of wrapping up character and setting loose ends, that you jump right into the action. It acts as a much more effective hook for the reader and can really help people continue to read your story, since it has so much potential!
Favorite Quote:
"Connor itched to go with the fool. But he couldn't."
Rating:
★ ★ ★
Note to The Author:
Thank you for submitting your story! It was a pleasure to read and I hope you felt this review was helpful. It is 678 words long.
Anyway, that's it for today. See you next time!
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