Hello and welcome back! Today's chapter will be focused on Bleeding Stars by @beautifulinblu on Wattpad.
Bleeding Stars is a series of short stories written in varying points of view.
Blurb:
It's short, simple, and to the point. I like that aspect of it. However, it leaves me confused when I start to read on. The way the blurb is phrased, it seems like the book is a series of short stories that are not connected to each other because there's no description on character, setting, or plot. Even after reading the first three chapters, I have no idea what I'm reading. Do the stories connect? Are they random? Tell me more.
Cover:
I love the cover! It's pretty and doesn't take away from the story, but draws the reader in despite its simplicity. Great job on that.
What I Liked:
You wanted me to be honest, right? Sadly, I didn't like very much of this story, even though I really wanted to. It was really confusing and difficult to understand as a big picture, which I'll go into during the next segment.
However, I'd like to say that I enjoyed your understanding and well-disciplined use of grammar and syntax. There were little to no typos and only a few misplaced commas, and that's amazing.
What I Didn't Like:
Let's start with the basics. What is this story about? A girl who gets a bouquet of white flowers that say "Happy Birthday"? A girl who helps pick out a gift with her ex boyfriend, who's still in love with her? A girl with brain cancer? A random girl who refers to the audience directly as "you"? If the answer is all of the above, then you need to consider adding an author's note explaining that each story is different and not connected in any way. Once you do that, please name each narrator so we can identify. In addition, keep the point of view consistent throughout the story. You moved from third person limited to first person to second person within three chapters, which is really jarring.
Now, let's get onto the nitty-gritty. If you have random, disconnected short stories in one book, you have to be able to tell a story in one chapter. No cliffhangers, unless it's a wrap-up type ending. Make me root for the character, but don't leave me hanging. There has to be a concrete ending that ties all the loose ends together. That wasn't there for most of your stories. A short story doesn't mean the fundamentals of a novel goes out the window. There has to be stakes, a plot, a character we can root for being hindered by an outside force. There has to be tension. Sadly, I couldn't find that in your stories.
That isn't to say that your stories can't get better. There's always room to improve. Once these basics are tidied up and incorporated, I really feel like your stories will be much better for it. You have so much potential with your plots. In fact, your story about the girl who received random flowers would be great start for a Mystery/Thriller. I'd suggest doing some heavy revision with all your stories and make sure you decide if they'll connect or remain separate.
I really want to see what your book can become in the future!
Favorite Quote:
"A ridiculously grinning panda."
Rating:
★
Note to The Author:
Thank you for submitting your story! It was a pleasure to read and I hope you felt this review was helpful. It is 607 words long.
Anyway, that's it for today. See you next time!
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