Me?! An Avenger?!

Chapter 4: "I turned tomato red."

I woke up out of a deep sleep. I felt something, no someone's arms wrapped around my waist. I opened my eyes to the royal blue wall across from me. I feel a light rhythmic breathing on my shoulder. I turn around cautiously as to not wake the person.

I recognized the face immediately. It was the sweet resting adorable face of Captain Steve Rogers. I gazed into his face for a minute then I noticed for the first time that he ......ummm.... wasn't wearing a shirt. I started to blush profusely. I started giggling like a schoolgirl, and this woke Steve up. He muttered something about 5 more minutes and called me baby. Then he wrapped his arms tighter around, and in the process of making his grip on me stronger and more firm.

That's when I noticed something poking my leg. I knew exactly what it was. I had taken many medical classes in high school and I know that what was poking me was something that he just couldn't help. But that didn't stop me from turning tomato red.

I tried to worm my way out of his grip but it was so strong. It took a couple of tries but somehow I managed to switch me for a pillow in his arms, which (I'm not gonna lie) was kind of hard to do. I stood up and directly went to the window, I noticed we had landed somewhere with a lot of grass and trees. I opened the window to get some fresh air, when my senses were assaulted with a very earthy dirt smell. I instantly remembered my dream from the night before.

I remember Lexi being killed and begging me to help her and save everyone. Then my tortured pore puppy Penny, and Steve.....kneeling with colorless eyes. His words rang out in my head as if he actually uttered them.

"You could have saved all of us........you could have prevented this if you just killed yourself when you tried." The image of all the Avengers dead and staring and pointing directly at me. As if they are saying: You did this to us, you killed all of us why do we get to suffer while you don't. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I ran to the bathroom and shut the door, I went to the vanity and opened the bottom drawer in a frantic trying to find my brush. I rummaged through the drawer looking for it pulling out things like hair ties, spray cans with hairspray in them, etc. I finally found it at the back of the drawer. I grabbed it and took out the bristle part of the brush revealing my razor blade I had hid there all those years ago to help me get past the pain and dirt I felt after he did what he wanted to me. I grabbed it with shaking fingers and tear soaked cheeks.

I went to the corner of the bathrooms far as I could away from the door. I took the cold hard blade into my index finger and thumb. I brought it to the my wrist right where I always put it. I pressed the cold blade into my flesh. I brought it from the left side of my wrist to the right leaving in deep cut that instantly filled up with bright red blood, that angrily started rushing out of the cut on to the floor. The sweet feelings of pain was the only way to get these things out of my head. I brought the blade half a centimeter down and dug it into my skin and pulled it across I continued till there was 7 angry cuts that just spewed blood. Each cut for every person that got killed because of me.

I sat there staring at the blood seeping out onto the floor. I could hear or think about anything but the hot red blood pooling out of my body on to the floor between my legs. I started to have black spots in my vision. But I continued to watch because I didn't want to disappoint everyone like I did back home. It would be better off if I just died. But I couldn't do that to Steve I couldn't let him find me like this.

So I went to grab some hand towels and wrapped them around my arm and put pressure on it. I did that for a few minutes then just went to the sink and turned the water on, then ran my arm underneath it and everything was gone except a hint of the 7 cuts that you could see if you actually stared at my arm. I turned the water off and dried of my arm then wiped up the blood off the floor the best I could. But there was still some blood there that no one notice until I have time to disinfect the floor. I felt light headed but it didn't matter much.

I opened the door and walked out and everything was spinning. I saw the floor rush to meet me then I didn't remember really anything after that. I guess I lost too much blood but I'll be fine. I thought before everything went black.