Pomegranate Seeds at Modnight

XIX

Apologizes spill out from her lips.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"I'm sorry that I overshared, caused you panic and although it pains me to say this, I will give you as much space and time you need away from me.

I'm sorry that I lied to you in hopes of befriending you, changing bits and pieces of myself to fit the image I've painted for you.

I'm sorry that I said yes to your proposal, holding my two thumbs up like the awkward "spontaneous" character I created just for you.

I'm sorry that I overshared, allowed you to steal terrifying glances into my mind.

I'm sorry that I let myself sink deeper and deeper into the pool of my anxiety and let it's chilly waters drip into my mouth and down into my throat.

I'm sorry that I let myself bathe in my problems, holding it all back until it all circled back.

The funny thing, that proposal was forced. It never wanted to be made in the first place.

The funny thing, that character slowly crumbled apart and the pointless arguments prove that the friendship itself was pointless and two faced.

The funny thing, I ruined the friendship at the beginning because I was already too vulnerable, clingy, and emotional.

The funny thing, I expect the worst to come out of things and most times my worries manifest into my reality.

The road to recovery is long, I just hope things are still the same because I can't handle more change."