Dysfunctional

Prologue

Remus knocked once and without waiting for an answer entered Sirius' room. The lone occupant was sitting on the chair, his elbows propped up on the desk and his face buried in his hands.

"What are you doing here, Remus?" Sirius spoke from under his hands morosely. Remus wasn't surprised Sirius had guessed who he was. He was the only one who entered Sirius' room besides himself.

"I'm just checking up on you, Sirius," he muttered quietly as he sat on the bed, facing his friend.

"Well, I'm fine, so you can piss off!" Sirius ground out harshly.

Remus sighed. "I'm sorry about Molly. She doesn't know how much Harry means to you."

Sirius looked up from his hands and Remus was saddened to see the despair in his already haunted eyes. "If it wasn't for Harry, I don't even know why I would live anymore," his voice broke as he whispered.

"Don't say that!" said Remus quickly.

"You don't know what it's like for me, Remus. I've loved Harry from the moment I held him. I would do anything for him! Hell, I would give myself up in Azkaban if it means he can be safe and happy. And for her to just throw it in my face about what an irresponsible godfather I was, that's just..." Sirius broke off shaking his head, lost for words.

Remus sighed as he put an arm on Sirius' shoulder. He understood where Molly was coming from. She had given Harry some semblance of family and acceptance when he was neglected by those miserable excuses of a family. But, Sirius was the one who was appointed by James and Lily as their replacement if ever anything happened to them. And, even though Sirius had been unable to fulfill that duty for more than twelve years, Remus did not have it in him to hold it against Sirius. One need only look at Sirius to understand how much Harry mattered to him.

Merlin knew Sirius still blamed himself for what happened to Lily and James and for abandoning Harry. Sirius thought he deserved Azkaban, which in Remus' opinion, nobody did, least of all someone as innocent as him.

Sirius did not need Molly to be blaming him, when he did that perfectly well himself.

"I'll talk to Molly. Don't get yourself worked up over this," Remus said consolingly.

Sirius looked up at him sharply, "Don't, Remus! She's not half-wrong now, is she? And besides," Sirius hurried when Remus opened his mouth to retort, "I wouldn't want to make it awkward between the two of us when she graciously feeds us and helps us clean this vile place. I am thankful for that. And for giving Harry what his aunt and uncle couldn't all these years. She was right about that. She has done more for Harry than I have."

Remus felt his heart ache at his best friend's predicament. Sirius had escaped Azkaban for Merlin's sake, just because he knew Wormtail was living very close to Harry. He had left his freedom and had come back as soon as Harry had said 'his scar had twinged a bit' and lived off of rats of all things. He had agreed to a life of being locked up in this nightmare of his house, just so he could be close to Harry. If that didn't speak of how much he loved Harry, he didn't know what did.

Remus shook his head. "That's not true and you know it. She has given Harry acceptance and affection, but you are giving up your life every day for him. Don't sell yourself short, Sirius."

Sirius still looked dejected, but he nodded. Remus clapped him on the back as he stood up, "Sleep well, Padfoot. Harry's here just like you wished for. Enjoy it."

"Night," came his hoarse whisper as Remus left the room and Sirius to his own thoughts.

oOo

The next night, after Harry, Hermione, Sirius and the Weasleys had tired themselves for the entire day cleaning out the drawing room, they congregated in the dining room for dinner. They were all pleasantly chattering when Harry felt ready to go to bed. He had a the beginnings of a headache and was wondering how he could make his leave when he saw Sirius getting up, "Well, I'll best be off to my room. Good night, everyone."