Forever The Good Girl

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

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Standing in vocal class, I twiddled my thumbs and stared at the clock. I waited for the final bell. It wasn't ringing. I looked around. People were supposed to be 'practicing' their solo's that they'll be presenting sometime next week. But everyone's just socializing. All they ever do in this time is socialize. Fine with me, I guess.

I walked over towards my peer tutor, Hayley, and a couple of my classmates. Mary Amic and Joshua Shawll.

I said "hey" and everyone greeted me back.

"Apparently Brittany Despullar had a miscarriage last week." Mary said. She's always been a bit of a gossip and I don't like being involved in that sort of thing. But since I guess I'll be doing worse than that in a little while, it's no big deal.

"Didn't she have an abortion a couple months ago?" Josh replied.

"Yeah, she did."

"Wait this girl is in grade 9?" Hayley says, genuinely shocked.

"Yep."

"And she ruins every boy she dates. Just messes them up."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Her ex-boyfriend Taylor is totally gone."

"Isn't he the one she actually lost her virginity to?"

"Yup. Both of the baby's were his too."

"She was in my drama class last symester," I said.

"Oh. That must have sucked."

"Yeah, it was pretty suckish. She was in my group for the final exam. She wouldn't pay attention and she wasn't even trying. Then she told us she wasn't doing anything because of her 'cramps' caused by her birth control. We'd understand about that though. Totally normal."

"Yeah huh. there will always be those types of girls. Think they're special because they can have sex."

"They throw away their innocence," whispered Hayley.

"And they enjoy doing it."

I looked down. Wasn't I doing just that? My stomach sunk and I suddenly felt an enormous weight of guilt. In about an hour, I'd be throwing away my innocence. Giving up my virginity. Completely giving up on my faith, on my relationship with Jesus. Ignoring how my mom raised me, how my friends think of me and enjoying it all the while.

I couldn't just call it off though. Ian was going to be waiting for me. Maybe I'll do it just this once. We won't go all the way and we wont meet up again. I'll make up excuses. Maybe he'll take a hint.

I debated not showing up but I'm tired of being a chicken. I was in a relationship with one of my boyfriends two months longer than I wanted to be because I just couldn't tell him. Everytime I was about to I'd chicken out. And it never got easier. Finally though I had had enough and it just came out.

He didn't care, or if he did, he didn't show it. His "okay" was half hearted and monotone. Whatever. He's a total nerd, as I recently realized. Then again, most guys are.

The final bell rung and I jumped. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. I walked to my locker but I wasn't in any rush this time. I didn't have to catch the bus and Ian could wait a little.

I actually just walked by the main entrance first, scanning the area. There was nobody there. I relaxed a little. After I put my books away I sat down on the steps and waited.

I waited a long time. Thirty-six minutes to be exact. I had to admit he wasn't coming and I fought the urge of tears. Maybe he just liked talking to me online to get turned on. Maybe he was never planning on meeting me. Maybe he did think I was ugly.