Forever The Good Girl

Chapter Thirteen (Short)

Chapter Thirteen

Sorry I haven't updated for so long... and I'm sorry this chapter is so short. I was writing it and then major drama unfolded at my house... totally wiping away my mood to write. But I figured you've waited long enough so I can give you this at least :) The next chapter will be updated sooner and it will be longer! Promise.

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I can't see who comes through the door through my tears. My nose stings and my throat is tightened. The figure in the threshold comes closer, quickly. He... or she seems to be holding something. I twinge as recognition hits me, even though I can't see the persons face. He's too big to be anybody else. It's Mitch.

I'm flailing my arms, oblivious to Mitch or Brody speaking. I can't hear what they're saying, but they both sound really angry. Thoughts cloud my head and I continue to try break free of Brody's grip on me. Suddenly Brody's weight is non-existent as if someone lifted him off of me.

I blink furiously, trying to get my vision cleared but the tears kept coming. Tears of embarrasment, tears of betrayal, of shame, of hatred. I jump into a sitting position and cover my bare chest with my arms.

Mitch is Brody's brother. The tank who likes me. But he doesn't live here, so what is he doing here? Not that I care. He just saved me. I feel dirty and don't know what to do next. I frantically wipe my eyes so I can see and I throw my clothes back on.

Even with all of my clothes on I still feel exposed. I can't stand being here any longer. I stand up, ignoring Brody's cries of desperation, trying to get me to stay. Probably worried that I'll go to the cops, just like Josh was worried I'd tell Light about him kissing me.

I ran out the door, unaware of my surroundings. I just had to get away. I ran until my feet were sore and I couldn't breathe. Somehow I ended up in front of my aunts house. I realized I couldn't go in there like this. I was a mess.

So I did the same thing as before. I sat down outside of the house and waited for myself to calm down. I had never felt so violated. Not when Josh had kissed me or when Dean and I had made out. I could still feel Brody's lips on my mouth. I spit on the ground, trying to get rid of the taste. I could still feel his hands touching my body. I held myself with my arms, wishing I could dissappear. The worst part is I could still hear his words, harsh in my ear. You obviously love pain. I still felt his hot breath as he said the words, the pain as he pushed against my wounds.

I couldn't cry. I'm sure I'd be fine to go into my aunts soon without her seeing I had been crying earlier. All I felt was numb. Numb and empty. Going through the motions of making myself presentable, I placed my hair into a ponytail and fixed my clothes. I probably still looked awful, but it would have to do.

For the first time, I didn't want to be alone. I stood up and knocked on the door. My aunts cheerful smile was the first thing I saw. Her happiness never even flickered as she looked me over. Apparently I didn't look as awful as I felt.

Minutes passed as she let me in, asked how I'd been and showed me pictures of myself as a baby. Finally she offered me food and before I could reject it, my stomach growled. Man, I was hungry. I was way past tears and I couldn't think straight.

I vaguely noticed my aunt putting food in front of me, and I couldn't argue. I slowly ate and felt a little better physically. I think I was eating a hamburger. When I finished my aunt placed another one on my plate. I couldn't even taste it but I ate it quickly, finally feeling just how empty my stomach was.

When I finished the second burger, I stared at my plate guiltily. Those had so much fat... what was the point of skipping out on food before, now? I just wasted all of my efforts.

"You know your half sister Karla just had her baby. She named him after your father. He would be your... nephew. Uh, uh, uh. What a cute baby he is-" my aunt was busy explaining my family members to me. I almost smiled. She could rant forever about my many relatives.

"Could I use the phone, please?" She seemed to notice that I was barely listening, which I felt bad for, but not quite enough to actually listen anymore.

"Oh, of course, dear." She handed me the phone.

Quickly I dialed my number, actually praying that mom would pick up. I'm surprised I could still speak.

The phone rang once, twice and a third time. I went to hang up, annoyed, when I heard my moms voice.

"Hello?"

"Hi, mom. It's me, Andy."

"Oh, I called the number you gave me. You were at a boy's house?"

My heart stopped. She called Brody? What had he said? "Oh- uh. Y-yeah." I stammered. "But I thought it would be better to come to Aunt Ruth's house."

I paused waiting for her response, hoping Brody didn't say anything. "Oh well, would you like me to come and get you? I don't have much gas in the car but I think I can make it to Bronx."

I agreed, wishing I was home already. I was shaking slightly, still hoping my mom didn't know anything.

I waited for what seemed like forever, before my mom finally arrived. I thanked my Aunt and ran to the car. I'm not exactly in a talking mood.

**

 When we got home I went straight to the washroom. Closing the door behind me, I fell to the floor. A shiver ran through my body. I can't even process what just happened. I feel so filthy. Thinking of him makes me feel like I'll throw up.

Which might not even be a bad idea, considering I just ate all that crap. I looked down at my stomach. Could it be smaller, yet? No, I'm still fat. And I just ate two burgers. I glanced at the toilet, debating my choices. I could give up and just let myself be fat. And disgusting, for everyone to know. Or I could... burn this weight. I could throw up and keep the disgusting part a secret. No one would have to know, and it would only be this once.

Making up my mind, I wiped my hand across my forehead, drying the sweat. I stood up and walked towards the toilet. Just once...

Just once and never again.

In front of the toilet now, I knelt down. I stayed in that position for what seemed like eternity before doing anything. If I just weighed less, things would be better. Of course, my house would still be crowded. And my brother would still have OCD. But boys would like me more. Things would be easier. They have to get easier.

I felt tears slowly falling down my face. With everything I had, I turned my face away. I pushed the toilet seat down and stood up. It couldn't be worth it. Cutting wasn't. Starving myself has done nothing. Kissing boys has led to nothing but heart break. None of it was worth it. Why would throwing up be any different? Just once was too many times.

Without thinking I took my hair out of it's ponytail, stripped myself down and climbed into the shower. I turned the water on, making it hot. Too hot, but I didn't care. I needed the feel of Brody off of me. I stood there for a good twenty minutes. Doing nothing. I wish I could say I felt empty. But all there was was this fog of disgust and depression. I sat down, still letting the water hit my back.

Hugging my knee's I stared at the bathtub until the water started running cold. I didn't know what to do next. I stood up and turned off the water. This was going to be a long night.

**

Hours passed and I didn't do anything except sit on my bed and pretend to read. I stayed there, until my mom and my brother's arguement was too loud to ignore. It used to scare me, the noise. The way my brother would hit the walls and kick the doors. Everything would shake. But it happens so much now, I'm just too tired to be afraid.

The light outside was fading and my tears had long stopped. 

I needed to fight the urge to cut. Which was too strong, right now. Too much goes wrong. How could I clear my head? I just need to stop thinking.

Not knowing why, I pulled on sweats and running shoes, and started down my road. I ran. Focused on the next step I needed to take. Focused on the speed I was going and keeping it steady. It didn't require thought. No one yelled at me if I did it wrong. And my mind was clear. For the first time in months.

I almost smiled.