Forever The Good Girl

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven <3

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"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course. You know I'm always here for you." The voice was blurred. Who was I talking to again?

"Well last night I - where are you going?" He was leaving. I felt his gentle arms slip away. Where was he going? I started to panick. "No! Wait! Please come back! Where are you going?" He got further and further. It occured to me that I may have been the one getting farther away but I didn't care enough to think about it, he was almost gone!

I started running after him but I couldn't see him. My vision was blurred and I started choking on water. Why am I under water? I gasped for air and my throat tightened. The water closed in all around me and air became scarce. I took one last breath sucking in only water before I blacked out. I thought there would be nothing; drowning. But instead of silence I heard his gentle voice, almost a whisper. It didn't scare me, but instead it filled me with despair.

"I didn't leave. I would never leave you. You left me, Andromeda."

My eyes fluttered open and I sat up quickly. I looked around but it took me a while to take in my surroundings. Through the darkness I saw the TV and my window. I saw the eerie outline of my stuffed animals. I'm in my bedroom. I slowly inhaled deeply and hugged my legs, my mind was racing. My cheeks were wet and I could taste the salt from my tears on my mouth. I pulled my legs closer to my body and gasped in pain. I stopped breathing.

I couldn't have. My mind became confused and I felt the world around me go numb. I really couldn't have. I did, though. I knew I had.

I slowly pulled up my shirt and traced my fingers lightly across the harsh red wounds. They weren't deep but they weren't few either. I'm scarred, I thought darkly. Now emotionally and physically.

I felt the tears falling down my face and I watched them land on my blanket which only made me cry harder. I always knew I'd give in but there was still the hope that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't. Why put up such a fight for something I knew would ultimately fail and should I even try anymore, now that I've failed anyways?

I glanced at the clock and the numbers glowed back at me. 4:02 am. I closed my eyes, exausted. Hopefully sleep would come easily. I was tired of having to put up a fight to rest. The guilt was unbearable. I finally broke. I'm broken.

Luckily for me, my mind wandered quickly. I lost sense of my surroundings and I faded into the black.

*

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! My alarm clock went off, mocking me. I woke up with a start. I glared at it before jumping off my top bunk, carefully avoiding my sister's foot on the bottom bed, and turned off the alarm. It read 6:00 am. I made my way back to my bunk and pulled the blankets back over me. The silence was peaceful.

Silence? That's new. I noticed the TV was off and it confused me. I guess my mom turned it off after my sister fell asleep. That was nice of her.

I basked in the quiet and let my mind drift off again. At this moment, nothing was wrong. I didn't care about Josh. I didn't care about my damaged stomach or my broken spirit. I fit perfectly into my bed and my blanket, and I never wanted to move. This moment could stay the same forever and I wouldn't mind in the least.

"Andy, it's time for school." I heard my mom say and I opened my eyes slowly. At some point I must have fallen back asleep. I sat up and glanced at the clock. 7:20 am. 7:20 am...

SHIT! I have ten minutes to get ready! I threw my blankets off and was greeted by a wave of cold air. I jumped off my bed and my body screamed in protest. As quickly as possible, I ran into the washroom and brushed my teeth. Grabbing a hair tie, I threw my hair into a bun, not bothering to brush it, and bolted back into my room. I grabbed the cleanest clothes off of a pile on the floor and changed into them.