Should I choose Him?

Ch. 11: The End Is Near

I woke up after about 35 minutes and saw everyone in my face especially the school nurse and my father. I sat up and saw that I was the only one in the auditorium now and everyone else was gone. I felt even more embarrassed than earlier now because I got rehearsal cancelled even though we had 6 days left to rehearse! I went home and finally looked at my phone and saw 2 messages from Hazel, 5 from Drake, 7 from Jenna, 3 from Venus, and 12 from Willow. I looked through all of them and none were positive. I felt like I ruined it all and to make it worse, I wasn't answering any of the messages because I was still embarrassed and knew they caught on to me by now! Then a new name popped up on my screen! It was a boy I was good friends with, Benny. He was so sweet and he played trumpet but I've only talked to him a few times. He heard about my incident and was concerned for my health. He knew what happened but how? I wasn't going to question him so I just talked with him for a bit and then took a nap that lasted all night. I woke up the next morning and got ready for school when my Mother, Sandy asked me how I felt. I told I was fine but she knew me too well and told me she went through my phone while I was sleeping and saw every message. I teared up. She just told me to go for Benny because she enjoyed him and maybe she was right? My dad then drove me to school asking if he should get Jenna in trouble for hitting me but I insisted that I deserved it. I went through a normal day until lunch when Benny asked me to sit with him today! I agreed but it was odd because somehow it was just him and I at a lunch table and I barely knew him. He just asked me about the play. Should I ask him out? Will he ask? I couldn't stop thinking about the outcomes until the bell rang. Neither of us made a move. I was upset for the rest of the day then anxious when it was time for play rehearsal. Willow, Venus, and Drake circled around me and asked me about yesterday and I flipped! I told them to just leave me alone! I proceeded to be 'Ashli' the rest of rehearsal unti lnear the end when Jenna pulled me to the side. Jenna seriously wanted to know why I said what I said and didn't get her in trouble and I just told her I was feeling a little confused and anxious about the play, not worried about her. She seemed really flustered but gave me a huge hug. It was actual the end of the world for me as I realized I exposed her in front of everyone and I ruined her love for me and Hazel. I felt like such a bully. After rehearsal I went straight home and into my room to think. Benny, Benny, Benny? Couldn't decide so I went to BuzzFeed quizzes and they said go with my gut and I have made a decision actually! I learned Benny was the 'right' choice at the moment! We would talk all the time and I thought I actually liked him and then we started dating after talking for a month. It was a enjoyable relationship but one thing didn't add up, I always felt like he wasn't the one when I was with him. He wasn't with me for me much longer and after almost 4 weeks, I ended it. This kinda made the play more rough as he made me feel stressed and so did my lise of friends but I got through and we dated a bit after but the 4 weeks was enough for me. Benny still liked me but I was kinda over him but after him Axell got to my phone next and I took him seriously this time since I was desperate and lonely.I had to tell myself no, not again. Liking him would end up just like 7th grade Carol. It wasn't going that bad though, we became really good friends! We would do so much with band and our classes together but after a game he took me to his locker with him to get something then he started to make out with me and proceeded to take his clothes off, I did the same and we ran to the school's library to rough and loud sex. I took off my clothes and he threw me on a a study table and thrust his 7 inch penis into me. I moaned so loud I thought Mr. Salem would here me. We went on for ten minutes and he finally finished. I finally realized he didn't use a condom, he wasn't prepared! I got off the table with my clothes and ran to the restroom bawling my eyes out, all snotty and wet. I put on my clothes and I was bleeding, the sex was too rough but at least it was with the biggest hotty on my grade. You know what I am okay as long as there's no baby on the way.

I got my clothes on and ran to my Dad's office. I walked in and he looked concerned. He had Axell in his office, getting dressed! My Dad caught Axell. I was done, he would snitch on me so quick if he got in. He didn't this time though, he said he was with Farrah and my Dad seemed reluctant to punish Axell. My Dad looked at me and saw that I looked a little sloppy and he grabbed Axell by the shoulders and said that he better not touch me. I tried to look innocent but I wanted more from Axell so I reassured my Dad that Axell didn't and wasn't doing anything to or with me. Axell smiled and said bye. I waved and got lost in his eyes as he left. I was so ready for more Fridays like this one. I loved being a little slut for once after everything went downhill the last few months, I deserved this. I only hoped that a pregnancy wouldn't happen because my family would end me and I'm not a fan of kids. I went home and texted Axell some more then I was stalking his account and saw that he was following a girl that I didn't know and he was liking and commenting on all her posts even the one from today! This was fishy and I decided to try and not get jealous so quick because maybe she wasn't a serious lady in his life. I learned she was a girl that went to our school for one day in 8th grade names Sylvia. Iwaited until the next Friday to mention her and he said that he was DATING HER and her name was Alma! I flipped, we just had sex a week ago and you loved it. This was my only reality though because he said I wasn't that good and that I was too  loud. I shook with anger and heartbreak as I shouted, "Men are NOTHING!!" and pushed him down the steps where he lie there cold and I ran to the restroom knowing that a camera had to have seen me! This action made me feel powerful though I knew that I'd soon get caught and scolded by my Dad. I'm a terrible human being and Axell was unconcious on the ground.