Save Me If You Wish (Completed)

We Only Talk About The Happy Things, Right?

{21}

Cali came down the stairs and must have noticed me balled up in the corner of the room because she ran over and hugged me.

"Cassie, I think you should go to bed," she said as she held me. Jesus Christ, she likes telling people to go to bed. She walked into the kitchen so I got up and walked outside to the ladder outside of my window.

I climbed up the house and into my room. I pulled the ladder in and put it under my bed. I put the bookcase and dresser back where they originally were and away from my door.

I opened my door and walked to the bathroom. I took a shower and got ready for bed, then walked back into my room.

I laid down on my bed and fell asleep.

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Dear Diary,

I cut myself for the first time today. I'm 11 years old.

The feelings of uselessness, worthlessness, and hopelessness overwhelmed me to the point where I grabbed my sister's razor and it made 3 even lines on my thigh.

It hurt like hell, but not as bad as when mother stabbed glass into me. That pain was unimaginable.

My sister found a dog on the side of the street, but mother wouldn't let her keep it. They sent it to the nearest shelter. I hope it gets a good home.

Other than that, Jared bullied me again today. I heard he's moving away to Glendale, Arizona next week. I'm ecstatic.

I hope I reread this when I'm older if I'm still alive. I've had more suicidal thoughts lately and I don't know how to control it. They might consume me sooner or later. I've already tried killing myself.

But we don't talk about that.

We only talk about the happy things, right?

Not in this book. In this book, we talk about my darkest days. My darkest hours. My darkest minutes.

My whole life is fading to black and I'm not sure I can save myself... From myself.

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I stopped reading and closed my diary and looked at the clock, 6:02. I should get ready for school now.

Lately, every time I wake up in the middle of the night, I read a page of my diary. It gives me constant reminders of what got me to this point. It reminds me that worse things have happened.

My father was really the only person that loved me. He only acted out when he was drunk. He loved me like a father should.

I thought about a lot of things as I put my makeup on. I put my hair into a French braid and brushed my teeth.

I was having a good day so far. I haven't had one of those in a while.

My sister came bursting into the bathroom with tears in her eyes. "Cassie. Tell me you'll still go to school today even after what I'm about to tell you."

"What? Why?" I was so confused. I didn't even know she was awake.

"Please just promise me you'll go. Promise me it won't ruin your day."

"Uh, okay, sure." I was beyond confused now. Of course, something had to ruin my day. Something always does.

"D-d-dad. H-he-" she stopped mid-sentence and broke down in tears.

"What did he do, Cali?"

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Sorry about the cliffhanger ;)

Nah, I'm not sorry. What do y'all think he did?

Two updates in one day! It took me about 3 hours with editing and I'm sweating my ass off because it's like 90°.

And the video at the top is just Ryan Ross saying cheese whiz. It's important to me, but if you don't care that's fine haha.

Leave as many comments as you want, I love reading them all! You can post one on every paragraph for all I care, they're just fun to read.

Anyway, vote if you liked this chapter and thanks for reading!

-L