Peter and Brian in 'There's A Criminal In My House'

Breaking and Entering

 It was night time by the time Feathers McGraw and Wallace reached the museum. “Boy, this is going slower than those chickens escaping Tweedy's Farm!” he muttered loudly.

A few years ago, Feathers McGraw was in the chicken coop of Tweedy's Farm. One night, he was digging a hole with a spoon near the wired fence. 

    “Feathers, what are you doing?”  

    Feathers turned around to see Ginger and the other chickens watching his progress.

    “I can't wait any longer!” shouted Feathers. “I have to get out!”

   So Feathers carried on, digging and finally made a tunnel under the wire fence. The chickens watched him crawl through under the fence and reached the other side. He was free!

   “Come on!” ordered Ginger. The chickens followed her crawling under the fence.

   When they got through to the other side, the dogs were there! The chickens dived back under the fence, but Ginger was picked up and thrown into the coal bunker by Mr. Tweedy.

   Feathers, who was miles away from the farm, saw this and laughed at this, putting the L sign finger on his head. “Ha! Ha! Losers!” And he walked away.

Feathers climbed onto the right foot of the trousers and they began to walk on the building. 

   The trousers stopped by a window sill. Feathers jumped off onto the sill and made Wallace climb up. He spread the map and looked inside the window. 

   Wallace popped down from the ceiling. Feathers drew Wallace closer. “Come on, Fatso!” he cried.

   Luckily, Wallace was sleep walking, because, if he was awake, he would never get past the lasers, see the oldest beer bottle ever created in history or see the nude Kate Moss statue.

   Wallace stopped and hovered above the diamond.

   “Now to lower the hook,” muttered Feathers, as he pressed a button on the control pad.

   The hook flew down and caught the diamond. Feathers was very happy and he was dancing around.

   “Hooray! And they said this was too difficult! Ha!”

   But the happy penguin had totally lost focus on Wallace and – You know what happened from the real movie. Feathers was now really panicking as the burglar alarm went off. And the fact that Wallace was waking up didn’t help, either!

   “Holy Crap! Where the hell am I?” asked Wallace. He was so confused that he had no idea where the hell he was going.

   Feathers brought Wallace to the window, but he didn't stop panicking. Then he saw three young teen boys on the building behind him and he had an idea.

   “Hey! You guys looking for a girlfriend?” Feathers called to him.

   The boys turned to face him.

   “With faces like those, no chance!” the penguin yelled.

   The guys responded... by throwing rocks. Feathers was dodging the rocks and they were hitting the window instead. One hit the middle glass and it went yellow with the red letters of ‘jackpot’ on it. Then the whole window flipped over with Wallace.

   “Whoa! What the hell is happening?” shouted Wallace. “Help! Get me the (bleep) down! Now!”

   Feathers climbed onto Wallace’s back and they trotted down.

   When they reached the ground, they saw Jenko and Schmidt.

   “Uh, you guys haven’t seen a man and a penguin setting off that alarm, did you?” asked Jenko.

   “No, officer,” replied Wallace. “Now, if you don’t mind…” He started to yawn. “I need to get back to bed.”

   “Yeah, me too,” yawned Jenko.

   “Wait a minute,” snapped Schmidt. “We need to solve this case.”

   “But I’m too tired,” yawned Jenko.

    While the officers were arguing, Feathers moved the trousers forward.

Back at 62 West Wallaby Street, Feathers escorted Wallace into his room. 

    “Another good thing about these trousers,” Wallace said, “is that they hide the boner girls give you so they don’t see them.”

    Then he was shocked when Feathers took off his glove of his head.

    “Good god, it's you!” cried Wallace.

    “Yes, it's me, you arsehead!” shouted Feathers. “How many criminal penguins do you see around here?”

    And, with that, Feathers turned Wallace around and walked him backwards into the wardrobe.

   “Let me out!” muffled Wallace. “I hope you get terminal cancer!”

   Feathers wasn't listening. He grabbed the diamond from the helmet and put it in the bag. He began to walk out but was stopped by Gromit, holding a rolling pin.

   “You're not going anywhere!” shouted Gromit. “Now put the diamond down!”

   But Feathers drew out a revolver and pointed at Gromit. “YOU put the pin down!” shouted the penguin.

   Gromit put his hands up and Feathers escorted him to the wardrobe. He locked him and Wallace in together and began to leave.

Inside the wardrobe, things weren't looking great. Wallace and Gromit were silent and cold.

    “Well, this is a fine ‘how do you do’, isn’t it, Gromit?” was all Wallace could say.

    “Oh, now you’re interested in me?” said an angrily Gromit.

    “What’s that suppose to mean?” demanded an insulted Wallace.

    “You know what!” replied Gromit. “Oh, wait a minute! You wouldn't know, would you? You are just a complete (bleep) idiot, welcoming criminals in and kicking dogs out!”

    “All right, that's it!” And Wallace charged for Gromit and the best friends started to fight each other, but they didn’t see what was happening. Because if they did –