5: Permission

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“Do you ever think about death Des?” I looked over at Kara as the two of us rested our heads on the grass in my backyard. She enjoyed her small birthday surprise and now we were watching the stars light up the night sky. Ever since that night she harmed herself, things haven’t been the same, she wants to know what death feels like. I reached up with my hand and smacked her arm, feeling the grass brush past my arms as I moved it towards her.

       “Today is your birthday Kara, can we just enjoy the day and look at stars?” She nodded and smiled, looking back up at the stars. I did the same and as soon as I looked up, a shooting star flew right over our heads. “Whoa.”

       “Quick Des! Make a wish!” I looked up at her and she slammed her eyes shut. I turned my head to the side, never really believing in the whole wish making process. I sighed, closing my eyes and thinking that I always wanted to have Kara as my best friend, no matter what. Maybe that was why things had turned out the way they did.

Present Day

       “I want you out of my house right now.” I whispered to Madison as she stood in my living room. “How dare you come in here and tell me that!” I screamed at her that time, I wasn’t really sure what had come over me. “You didn’t even know her, you don’t even know me. I want you out of here and I don’t want to hear that bullshit out of your mouth again.” She stayed quiet, but still, not moving an inch.

       “She said you wouldn’t believe me…” She whispered, she was pushing it, and I had to really get a hold of myself before I really said or did something that I would regret. “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but I can see her. She is standing right there.” She pointed behind me, to a spot in front of the tv.” I looked over there, my heart skipping a beat, wanting to believe that she really was standing there.

       “Do you think this is funny?” I looked back at Madison, shaking my head slowly. I took in a deep breath and pushed my tears back. “My best friend died and you’re here making jokes? Does this give you some kind of enjoyment?” She shook her head slowly. “Please just go, leave me alone.”

       “Okay.” She nodded, walking towards my front door. She stopped for a moment and looked back at me. “She wanted me to tell you that her wish came true, the one she made on her birthday four years ago. She said it came true that day at the train tracks.” I didn’t move I didn’t look over at her or question how she knew about that, I just looked down at the ground. My heart ready to break a rib cage at any given moment. “She needs me to have your permission to help her, to help the both of you. Please.” I held my breath, walking over to the door and opening it for her.

       “You stay away from me.” I whispered, watching her face show a hint of what looked like sadness. She walked out the door, and once I closed it and locked it I let out that breath of air. I pressed my head on the door and closed my eyes. That was impossible, she shouldn’t have known about that, or at least the fucking wish. My hands were shaking again, fear washing over me that maybe she wasn’t playing a joke on me, maybe she was seeing her.

Four Years Ago

       “So what you wish for?” I looked back over at Kara, smiling some as she met my eyes. There was something in them that said that she was absolutely happy with the wish that she made. To be honest, I was too.

       “I can’t tell you that Desmond.” She reached up and flicked my nose. “That’s for me to know, and for you to never find out.”

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