Distant Fires of Heaven (The Malevolent Sacrifices #1)

What Doesn't Kill You

Ethan winced as Stephen dabbed at his jaw with a cold towel. The iratzes hadn't taken effect on the cuts embedded into Ethan's face yet.
Stephen was silent, his jaw tight as he worked on his parabatai.
"Steph, please say something to me." Ethan said. "I can't bare the idea of you being angry with me."
Stephen stopped pressing the towel to Ethan's skin. He relaxed his jaw, then the tightness in his shoulders disintegrated as well.
"What am I supposed to say?" He demanded. "That it's okay you got into a fist fight with Andrew Blackthorn, which is completely unlike you by the way-"
"He hit me first!" Ethan protested.
"That doesn't matter! You engaged in it, Ethan!" Stephen threw the towel down.
"Admit to me that you're only saying these things because of Juliet." Ethan presumed.
Stephen stopped dead. "You know that isn't true." His face paled.
"Oh, isn't it? I thought you'd ask me if I'm okay, since I clearly suffered most of the injuries. Andrew only has a bruise on his jaw from his damn sister! I barely could put my hands on him to begin with, Stephen! Not to mention you haven't spoken to me much since Juliet started dating you! How do you think I feel right now? I need you! I need you as my brother, as my best friend. But that's not your intentions at all." Ethan started shaking. He felt a tear slip down his cheek.
Stephen was stunned, and Ethan felt glad he was stunned.
Stephen looked away from him for a moment, staring at the floor. "I didn't realize you felt that way, my parabatai." He mumbled. His hands knitted together. Ethan could see he wore Juliet's family ring. He cringed.
"How do you do it?" He asked.
Stephen looked up again. "Do what?"
"Love someone without the fear that they don't love you back."
Despair had swept into the room, showering Ethan with chills and depression. His heart felt like it was hanging from a noose.
"Don't say that." Stephen said roughly.
"Well, she doesn't love me back." Ethan stared at his hands, remembering what it felt like to have Effy hold them. His lips throbbed from when they kissed.
"Effy is, complicated to say the least. But I wouldn't say she doesn't love you." Stephen came to stand closer to him.
"She loves Andrew too." Ethan rested his head on his shoulder. Stephen wrapped his arm around him.
"I am sorry I've been distant from you, Ethan." Stephen paused. "She's made me the happiest I have ever been, and I thought you were doing okay. I should have never been so reckless to not speak to you."
"I'm not mad at you Stephen. I'm more mad at myself." Ethan reached down and grabbed his hand with the twinkling Blackthorn ring. "This is cheesy." He said. "And tacky, but it makes me jealous that you get to share a love so profound with somebody. I'm mad that I always pick the wrong girls to fall for, and I don't care if Effy is your sister, she broke my heart, Stephen. Just like Nora Ravenscar did 2 years ago."
"Well I told you not to date Nora in the first place, bimbo." Stephen sighed. "But I will be better to you Ethan, for both of our sakes, because believe it or not there have been times where I've needed you, but I did not find you because I didn't want to bother you."
Ethan smacked him upside the head. "You're an idiot for not finding me."
"I am the biggest idiot for not realizing you've been needing me while I've been captivated in love." Stephen said to him.
"At least you're honest." Ethan said, then the two of them laughed.
"Ethan, I won't intrude on what is happening to you and my sister, but I will say that you can find someone better if she hurts you again. Effy is conspicuous, a bit sinful when she needs to be. You aren't either of those things, I beg Raziel to give you a good woman to love you." Stephen hugged him tight. "If anything I can talk Juliet into letting you join our relationship." Stephen grinned.
"And have to look at your bare behind?" Ethan pretended to gag. "At this point I'd just buy a cat."
"My behind was made only for you to look at." Stephen kissed his cheek. Ethan started laughing.
"Then your behind was wasted."
"Do you feel better?" He asked.
Ethan looked at Stephen. "Not really. Especially the joke about your ass. I want to puke."
"I mean in general, Ethan. God I was only kidding." He grinned. "Juliet likes my butt. She likes-"
"I- DON'T- WANT- TO- KNOW- THAT-INFORMATION!" Ethan said swatting him on the head.
"I was kidding again!" Stephen covered his head from Ethan's wrath. Stephen was dying from laughter.
Ethan shook his head, but the sight of his laughing parabatai made him laugh too.
"By the angel, sometimes I ask why I agree to be your warrior partner."
Stephen winked at him. "Because you love me."
"Eh. It comes and goes." Ethan grinned.
Stephen sighed. "Such blasphemy."
"Yes, caused by you, my parabatai." Ethan said.
As annoying as Stephen could be sometimes, Ethan admitted to himself that Stephen has perked up his mood, as Stephen usually does.
"Do you want to go back out there?" He asked. "Or we can stay here, and talk about stuff."
Ethan sighed. "I can't keep you from your date forever."
"Well I need to make sure my parabatai is okay." Stephen patted his shoulder. "You also have blood on your jacket."
"It matches the red accents, it's okay." Ethan said. Stephen rolled his eyes. "We can go. I'll be okay." Ethan assured him. They walked towards the door. Julian opened the door with Andrew in tow, Ethan stiffened.
Andrew looked at Ethan, stiffening himself. But he relaxed as Julian glared at him.
"Ethan, I'm sorry I hit you, a lot." He said. "I uh, I suffer from anger management issues, I wish I had controlled myself better. You didn't deserve that."
"You're right, I didn't." Ethan said and walked out of the bathroom.