Girlfriend

Ch3. Part 2

Lunch came around and Applejack sat next to me again. This time, I didn't have my bracelets on. I had gone swimming in the lake, so I took them off. Scars were showing. Applejack noticed. Crap. She didn't say anything about it, though. She just looked at me with sad eyes. It broke my heart a little bit. "What's your name?" She finally asked me. "Oh!Me?I'm Elizabeth...Jut call me Ellie."I smiled ever so slightly. "Im Amanda." Well, now you know her name. She reached out her hand and I took it. But it wasn't a handshake. She just held my hand.It was nice. It was warm, but not sweaty. Her skin was calloused, but not rough. She squeezed my hand, and I tensed up. I almost started crying.  When she finaly let go of my hand, I didn't say anything. She gave me a sad smile. We ate our food in silence, and listened to the conversation that my cabin mates were having. Exept, Bergen was giving me this strange look. And Haley kept glancing over at me and Amanda. I felt sick to my stomach. I excused myself from the table and ran out the door and to the lake. When I actually got there, I started crying.  Hot, salty beads rolled down my face and my face felt warm. I felt footsteps behind me and I turned around. Nobody was there. Maybe they were still walking down here to look for me. I ran inside a toolshed where we kept most of our lifejackets.I curled up into a ball and cried even more.I cried because I know that Amanda probably doesn't like me the same way I like her. I cry because she's too old for me. I cry because I'm ugly. I cry because there's a zero percent chance that anybody actually cares about me. I cry because I'm a freak who cuts herself. I cry because I have nothing to hurt myself with. I heared my name being called out. "I can't go out there." I said to myself. I was tough as nails. I didn't let anybody see me cry. Then, the door opened to the shed. Haley walks in and and stares at me. "What the balls are you doing in here?"I look up at her. She sees my glassy eyes and the sticky trails of the tears down my cheeks."Oh my god are you okay?" She asks. She looks alarmed. I nod and force a smile. I have a lump in my throat and I don't want my voice to crack. "Ellie, what's wrong?" She raises an eyebrow. "Nothing, I'm okay." I lie. "Did Amanda make you feel uncomfortable?" She sounds like an adult but I'm six months older that Haley. "No. It's just..." She looks at me funny. "Are you lesbian?" I shake my head. "But I do like her." I add. She stares at me. "Like, like-like, or friend-like?" I don't think I should tell her but I do. "I feel...attracted to her, to say the least." She smiles."She was real worried about you. After you left, she told me to tell you to meet her by the tetherball at 7:00 pm." I cracked a smile, but it quickly faded. As we went back to the cabin, I saw Applejack fixing a bike. I didn't want her to see me. I just looked down and avoided eye contact. I went into the cabin and wrote a letter. Tonight.