Engineered

Chapter 26

I am so over this metal box.

The past however-many days have been torture. I've gone mad. Bonkers. I can't even. I am so sick of being the girl who did things wrong. They did things wrong. Azalia did things wrong. It's because of her that Greyson might never remember me or our love. She is the one who imprisoned me in a box, drugged me, tricked me, took everything I had away from me.

Maybe... maybe... maybe this is all my fault. Well, I mean, obviously it is, but maybe I shouldn't have given my heart to Azalia, told her the truth. I can't decide to blame her or myself or everyone or no one. I've gone mad. I've gone MAD!!!

From misery comes determination. I am determined. I have been determined.

I know that after a guard comes with my breakfast I will have about an hour before one comes to take the tray back. I know that if I don't swallow the pill he gives me, that he won't leave.

But I'm over swallowing pills. Now I hide them under my tongue until they leave when I flush it down the toilet. Because I'm over their crap.

I also know that after they think I've swallowed the pill they don't come back until lunch time. That gives me a few hours to make my escape.

I will escape today, I mean, I have to. Or I'll die trying.

I miss Greyson more then anything. More then freedom, more then real food, more then my house. Without Greyson, I have gone mad with worry. I rip my hair out to cope. Well, not really cope, but to deal. The right side of my head has only a few sparse clumps of hair left in the back.

This is my fault. Rip. I don't wince anymore, I used to. Greyson's fate is my fault. Rip. A tear falls from my right eye, not in pain, but in anger. I don't want to wait anymore. No rip. I freeze. I halt the rocking I didn't know I was doing and my hand hover at my head.

Why am I still waiting? I think. I take a deep breath and smile. I think I've waited long enough. I will leave after the next breakfast clean up.

I have a plan now. Somehow I lost my plan to the madness. I don't want to rip my hair out right now, I want to get rest. I leave tomorrow. I'll escape through the faulty metal panel behind the toilet. I will run so fast and go in every single room until I find Greyson.

I will cry. I will smile. I will probably cry some more. I don't know if he will remember me, and I don't know where we'll go to once we leave, but I sure as anything know that I'll figure it out.

I lost myself to the the sadness and the madness and the pain and the loss.

But I have found myself inside of it. I pulled Vanessa out of the mess inside of my head. And I won't let her fall in again.

Because I leave after breakfast.