Ren's POV:
Ichiji left for another mission after he woke up. I walked back inside the room and decided to go find myself some more books from the library I had discovered on my first day. I pushed the door open gently, a nice breeze filled the room. I smiled as I begun searching for more physics books, some historical and weather books too. I grabbed a whole bunch in my arms before beginning my ordeal of bringing them back to my room. On my way I dropped one of the large encyclopaedia on 'weather of the new world' on the ground. I glanced back memorising the location before I rushed to my room to put the rest down. I decided to pick it up on my way back after dinner tonight. I opened one of the books, as I begun memorising and learning new things about the new world. I looked up noticing it was time for dinner, I rushed to the throne room dreading the social situation I would once again be thrust into. I did my usual greet. I sat in silence, head down the entire time. I was withdrawing.
This happened once before on Elbaf too. When someone said the same thing as Ichiji.
"Ren, you missing your husband" Yonji asked grinning. I nodded slightly, scowling in my head. He laughed before continuing his conversation with Niji. I excused myself as I left for my room. I had memorised the entire palace in this time. I walked into my room it was quiet. I sat at the vanity, eyes scouring the book.
The door opened abruptly. I looked up to see Niji standing at the door. A vein popping out of his head. He was holding the encyclopaedia in his hand. "Oi, watch where you put your shit!" He yelled before hurtling the book my way. I raised my hands only to be too late as It struck my cheekbone. My hand clutched the side of my face, feeling pain. He grumbled something before slamming the door behind him. I felt tears fill my eyes before blinking them away. Taking in deep breaths. I focused back on the book, if I let my mind wander, i would get worse. So I read until my eyes begun closing. I got up getting ready to sleep before falling asleep on the bed.
Morning came, I showered quickly noticing the black and blue bruise on my cheekbone. Certainly standing out against my slight tanned complexion. I sighed as I felt it sting when my hand brushed against it. I pulled out another rose coloured dress, also very loose. The clothes I had were loose, since the clothes in Elbaf never fit me. Due to their big hands, they could never make me anything smaller. So they looked like rags, but I enjoyed them. They were comfortable. I hugged the dress close, remembering the good times I had in Elbaf, the few times. I parted my hair in a way to hide the bruise on my right cheekbone. I felt worse than before, as I slowly made my way to the throne room. As I did my usual greeting, I hugged onto my arms, avoiding all eye contact. I looked at my food. Poking it, eating the bare minimum, before excusing myself. I walked back into my room, picking up the books, I had finished reading the night before and returning them to the library. I picked up some more before returning back to my room. This time, making sure to not leave anything behind.
The day went like this, avoiding any sort of negative thoughts, and yet, my mind drifted to Ichiji plenty of times. I was hurt by what he said, and yet, somewhere, deep down. I missed him. But even if he turned up, I'd never be able to speak with him. He married me, only because his father wanted him to. He treated me well, just because that was what was expected of him. Had they ever been his own thoughts, perhaps there would be more meaning to them. I had attended lunch and returned the books I had yet again completed. This time I searched for something different, 'mind over matter' and 'ways to overcome psychological pain'. I left for my room once again and begun reading.
Talk to someone. If you never say anything to anyone, they can never help you. If you feel withdrawn then, take a deep breath and recall that your are worth something. As humans we have knowledge and intelligence, so use it wisely.
I thought about the book I had now finished during dinner, yet again eating the bare minimum. 'But talking about it, is the hardest part' I thought. I excused myself before I continued to read.
After reading so much my eyes begun getting tired, a slight yawn leaving my lips. I felt a cool breeze waft in from the balcony, as I glanced over. Suddenly a pair of fingers gently gripped my chin, pulling me to face them. My eyes met with Ichiji's shades. I mentally slapped myself as I realised I had used a hair band to pull my hair back. "What happened?" He asked, his eyes staring into my own. I shook my head. I sighed, he took off his glove before his hand brushed over it, my eyebrow twitched at the sudden pain. He put his glove back on before leaving the room. I sighed, moments later there was a knock on the door, I looked up as a maid walked in holding a first aid kit. "Ichiji-Sama asked me to help you" she bowed. I nodded as she cleaned and placed medicine onto my face. She placed a plaster on before looking and leaving. I felt so useless right now, I looked down, bringing my knees up to my face as I hugged them. The door opened again, I couldn't be asked to look, I could tell by the way his boots squeaked. "Hey get to bed, you'll fall asleep on the desk" he groaned. I looked up at him noticing his bloody glove. My eyes widened before looking at him. He harrumphed before leaving for the bathroom. My eyes following his figure before leaving into the bathroom. I changed before turning off the lights. I walked onto the balcony for some fresh air.
I was amazed by how well these ships kept together. The thought of how they worked rekindling my knowledge. Talk to people
I breathed in deeply, building up the courage. I walked back in, closing the balcony door behind me. I noticed he had already gotten into bed. I walked in quietly, lying next to him. 'Say it now' I thought. My mouth opened but no words came out. I tried again, i had no guts. Sure does show, how weak of a giant I am. Maybe, he was right. Maybe I was weak, and that I just liked to tell myself otherwise.
