No Point In Lying

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I sit on the floor and hug my knees to my chest, my tears have dried and my eyes are a deep orange

I keep thinking about how I have butterflies and a warm feeling when I talk to Jin, I feel bad and like I'm the worst person on planet earth. I can tell that Yuna really likes him that makes me feel a lot worse

I can believe myself, how could I even do this?

I glance at my watch to see that I've already been in here for 3 hours, I don't think wonho will be able to cover for me any longer

I leave the planetarium quickly and run back to my room, I quickly look around to see that no one is around, not even one person

I let out a sigh of relief and slip into my room, I take a long cold shower

I can wash away feelings right?

I get out and just stare at myself, I look at my pale skin and my dark eyes, I look at the white strand of hair that falls delicately onto my face

I look at the scar on my neck and thigh

I look at the faint bumps on my wrist, that are covered by the dark flowers, from what I did to myself before all of this, it felt good when I did it but now I heavily regret it, its just given me a permanent reminder of a dark time

I feel the same now but I've grown up a lot since then

I know how to handle it

I take my time with getting ready, I let my hair dry out as I pull on a black crop top and some black jeans, I put a black bomber jacket on and sit down on my bed

I state out the window to see that the weather has changed, its now now bright and sunny

The sun has begin to set making everything glow an orange colour, just like my eyes

I wish orange had something to do with the sun but sadly for me it means horrible, deep, dark sadness

I hear talking outside and the sound of a million footsteps

I wonder where everyone went, probably just a meeting or something

I look at the clock to see its just turning 8pm

I should probably get back to everyone, I put my hat back on and head to the bleachers

I walk slowly, just taking in everything, I'm starting to feel peaceful and calm now

I can't let my emotions flare up to high, God knows what will happen, I know I can control myself but I don't know what will happen if I can't

I slowly make my way to the group who are sat at the very top of the bleachers

"hana! Where have you been?!" V shouts, he practically jumps on me and I hug him back tightly

Maybe I just needed a cold shower and a hug

"I just went for a walk around campus" I mumble into his chest

He nods and pulls away a little

"your very cold" he says with a worried face

I'm always cold but since I've gotten here I feel warm

But why have I suddenly become cold again?

"I'm fine, don't worry" I say as I look up at him but little do I know my eyes are glowing orange

His eyes grow wide and he looks in Yuna's direction, I follow his eyes and immediately regret it

I think you know what I saw, her and Jin

Yeah, practically sucking each others face off

I quickly look away and so does V, he locks his eyes with mine

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