lies ↬ fillie

twelve

— change of pace.

pain. something i'm so deserving but afraid of.

i deserve this, is what i thought to myself as my hair fell across my face, wet from the pouring rain that blurred my vision as millie stepped away from me. each step was agonizing, i wanted to yell out to her, but i knew i couldn't. it would not make things better. you caused this, i thought to myself.

i watched millie until she turned into a small dot in the distance. i should be getting home anyways. mom was probably worried, as always. i just wondered if she was drunk. probably. alcohol was the only thing that seemed to make her forget the pain of nick's death. or did it just make her remember it more? that i did not know the answer to.

i wondered what i could've said to millie that would've made things turn out differently. i kicked the toe of my converse into the mulch as i shuffled across the playground. i heard a slight rumble of thunder in the distance and hurried my pace. i am such an idiot.

i truly don't know why i never believed millie. i think it was the fact that iris had given me something i wasn't used to having. a distraction from the life at home, keeping me from the thoughts that caused me to lay awake at night into the late hours, wondering why god–or whoever was out there–had given me such a horrible life that i had no choice but to suffer through.

i turned onto my street, still lost in my head, when i heard a meow come from the right of me. i turned my head, eyes darting to each edge of my vision, searching for the source of the quiet sound. a cat was perched on top of mr. wheeler's fence. it was an ash gray, a bit small, and it looked familiar, so i walked closer to it to get a better look. the cat sat there patiently. i held my hand out, and it stretched it's head to sniff it. i could barely feel the touch of it's damp nose, but it still tickled my fingers as it breathed. i saw this as my chance and stepped closer to it, finding that it had a collar.

rose brown. if found, return to the address 14236 milkbrook drive.

"well isn't this just an eerie coincidence." the cat looked up at me and smiled. i rubbed her head and slipped my hand underneath her stomach, cradling rose in my hands.

i turned around and started making my way to millie's house. it was about a ten minute walk from here, and i wrapped my jacket around rose to protect her from the rain. i inhaled, readying myself for my second conversation with millie today, hoping it'll be more pleasant than the one we just had before.

okay that's all for today! i'm so sorry for the short chapter!! don't worry though, i have a lot planned for the next few :)