His Bella

NINE

More than a week after my encounter with Wade, I had partially forgotten about that night. I thought about it only at certain moments like when I went outside and saw a yellow taxi drive past me. Sometimes, I would study the faces of the drivers, scared that they may have been watching me. I was being paranoid- or maybe I just wanted to see him?

I visited my mom again and this time, I took with me a box of things I owned in high school. My soccer ball and old pictures only brought back memories of my father. I missed him. I missed how easy life was before he died. More often than I would have liked to, I caught myself staring at the picture of Wade and I, and I would compare high school Wade with adult Wade. They were different but their deep hazel and that captivating smile was still the same. 

Whenever I thought about Wade, I felt a bit guilty- not that I had any reason to even be. Noah had been there for me in moments when I needed him. For a couple of years after Wade stop contacting me, I waited. I waited for so long, I got scared that I would never move on and then when I finally decided to, Noah came into my life and was the best boyfriend any girl could ask for.

"Here we are", Noah said as the car stopped across the road from the cemetery. I held a flower bouquet in my hand and smiled at him, "want me to come with you?"

"No, thank you", I said, "I just need some alone time with him"

He nodded, "call when you're done then?"

"I will", I planted a light kiss on his cheek and got out of the car.

I walked across the narrow road to the cemetery and before walking in, I looked back to watch Noah drive away. The cemetery was quiet. The tombstones were either newly made or decrepit and the grass surrounding them was wet with dew. In movies, cemeteries are usually scary and spooky but this was peaceful, the air was cold and seemed to stand still, the sky was bright blue- free of clouds and the birds on the trees which leaned over the tall iron fence watched me as I made me way towards my father's tombstone.

Nicholas Storm
1965-2015

I knelt on the grass and used my hand to clear out the fallen leaves one the concrete covering in front of his stone and then I placed the bouquet on it.

"Hey Dad", I adjusted myself so I could sit with my legs crossed, "I don't know why I'm here to be honest. I've just been missing you a lot more than I usually do lately"

A little wind carried some of the fallen leaves away and I sighed.

"Where do I start?", I asked, "well, I haven't been going to work for a while now. Noah's trying to convince me to quit but I still need the money even though he claims he can take care of me", I rolled my eyes, "I don't want to be that girl who depends on her boyfriend so as annoying as Leotti is, I'll work for him"

I paused, "Mom misses you", I added, "although I think she's slowly adjusting to not having you around. we all miss you every day. I wish you were still here. You'd be able to tell me what's missing-

I really am not as happy as I used to be. I have Stacy and I have Noah and my job but something's missing. I don't know if this is what it feels like to be an adult but you always said that a man could have it all and not be truly happy. I think that's what I'm going through right now"

I leaned in and ran my fingers over the stone, tracing the letters of his name slowly, tears began to stream down my cheeks, "I hope you're doing good up there", I whispered and forced a smile

"Bella?"

My head snapped quickly. Wade stood behind me in a black shirt with long sleeves tucked into a pair of black jeans. Two men stood by his side; their eyes covered in sunglasses.

"Wade", I said, making an effort to wipe my tears quickly. I stood and faced him, "what are you doing here?"

"I had to see my mom. It has been ten years, you know?", he said as his lips curved into an innocent smile.

"Right", I trailed, "how did that go?"

"It was a bit emotional", his eyebrows furrowed, "but good nonetheless. Are you okay? you look like you've been crying", he asked with a worried look on his face.

"I'm fine", I said softly.

He nodded and his eyes moved to the gravestone behind me, "your Dad was a good man", he said, "I know he didn't like me a lot but still-", he added, "-he was a good father"

"Thanks"

My Dad was a protective father and it took my mom and I a few months to finally tell him I had a boyfriend. When he met Wade, he wasn't excited at all. I chuckled faintly at the memory of that night.

Wade studied my face and frowned.

"Oh, I just remembered how he was planning on shooting you this one night when you snuck in"

He now had a horrified look on his face, "that was one of the scariest moments of my teenage years", he said, "I thought I was going to die!"

I laughed.

"I got the hint though. He grounded you and let you see everyone who wasn't me"

I shrugged, "that's how protective people get of the people they love"

He raised one dark brow, "really?", I nodded, "I can't oppose that. Who wouldn't love you Bella?"

I hissed and he noticed the change in my expression- the effect of his words on me. Who wouldn't love me?

Him.

"Is something wrong?", he asked.

"No", I looked down at my feet but my breaking voice gave it away.

I heard his fingers snap and then I looked up, "go keep watch", he said to the two men, standing next to him. They hesitated, looking between Wade and I. He rolled his eyes and sighed, "I'll be fine. It's just her"

They stared at each other and then they gave him a quick nod before walking away from us. My gaze followed their retreating figures and then I looked back at Wade. He had a solemn look on his face and his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry Bella", he said.

I shook my head, "you have nothing to be sorry for"

"I do", he said softly, "I have so much to be sorry for. I wanted to be with you. I- "

"Don't do that", I stopped him.

"Do what?"

"Don't say things like that", I stared at the grass, not wanting to meet his gaze, "you made your decision. I don't need to know if you wanted something else. I only need to know why you did it"

I looked up at him, "I just need to know if it was my fault. If I was the one who did something wrong because for years, I thought I did"

"You didn't", he said quickly.

"Then what happened?"

He gaze dropped, his eyes darkened and his face was rigid.

"What happenedwade?"