My Fanfic Bootcamp Entries

Round 7 - The Defier

          I always believed 16 was too young to make such a life-changing decision. I wasn't ready. I was confused and scared. But I know I've made the right choice as I quickly closed the mirror, barely getting a glance at myself.

          A sigh left my lips. Everyday was the same.  I would wake up, barely glance at my reflection in the mirror, eat, help as much people as I can during the day then sleep peacefully knowing I'm safe. However, this repetitive routine suffocated me as it often leaves room for the demons in my mind to claw at my heart with their razor sharp nails. Even so, I knew I had no right to complain for I found what I was looking for. Peace, safety and sometimes even happiness. This was all I wanted, wasn't it?

         I decided to braid my dark brown hair before going out for another uneventful day. Maybe I didn't know what I wanted but this is definitely what I needed. My hands froze in the air and I struggled to breath as the most venomous demon wandered into my mind. A memory. One that caused many sleepless nights.

       Like it was merely yesterday, I remembered the day I stood in front of those 5 white bowls with so much detail. How my hands were tremendously shaking, how my train of thoughts ran a hundred kilometers per hour too fast. 

      " Katniss Everdeen." 

      I recall the heart attack I nearly had when my name was called. As slow as I could, I made my way to the stage to make the decision that would define me for the rest of my life. I stalled as much as I could just so I could have another second of thinking but all my mind seemed to focus on was my rapid breathing and how nervous I was. I despised the way everyone's attention was fixed on me. 

     I could feel their eyes burn holes into my back as I held the knife in my hand. With clearance, I remembered the sharp intake of air as I made a cut on my hand and the sting that soon followed. All I was told was to trust the test and I knew exactly what the test said. But from the moment I fell down on my knees sobbing after getting the results, I knew I couldn't trust it nor listen to it.

    The test said I was Dauntless, brave and courageous. Out of all factions, I turned out to be the same as the one which caused my best friend's death and plunged me into a life of deadly loneliness and endless helplessness. Dauntless was the reason I lost the last family I had in this world.

    I remembered the salty taste of my tears as my hand hovered above the Dauntless's white bowl. I must go with what the test told me even if I didn't want it. I must trust the test, was my only thought.  Instead, when a drop of blood nearly dropped in, pledging me to a life I didn't want, I quickly moved my hand over the Abnegation bowl. In a split second, I was pledged to a life of selflessness and putting others first.

    Not much thought went through that decision but my heart felt elevated and relieved as it was pronounced I was now Abnegation. I've never regretted my decision even through the boring routine and little food for in helping others, I helped myself.

    I got what I needed and I should be thankful, yet the small nagging in my heart never stops. After all, I was a defier. I defied the test and maybe deep inside me, I was worried it will catch up to me eventually. 

     A sound from outside my tiny house brought me back to reality and I messily finished braiding the rest of my hair. I walked out to find an old man struggling to get back up after having slipped and fallen. I hurried to help him. I bend down, grabbed both his arms and gently pulled us both up from the ground. He nicely thanked me but his wide smile will forever be my favorite sign of gratitude. 

     Their smiles brightened my lonely world. A small smile of my own tugged at my lips as I reassured myself that I had indeed made the right choice. I had found peace and I shouldn't ask for more.