My Lovely. (Jalbert)

Chapter 9

(Bouta week laterrrrr.)

It was the day after Jake and I had gotten back from Disney. We had taken so many photos and bought so many things. Both him and I posted a couple selfies to keep our twitters active. Of course, there were edits and such of the pictures but hey, gotta love the fandom.

Jake and I were currently sitting on the couch watching The Office.

(A/N: If you haven't seen The Office this might be a bit confusing but it's not too important.)

"Are you kidding me?" Jake said looking at the TV in frustration.

"Gosh darn it." I said slapping my knee in the process with my western accent.

"I don't understand this, Jim and Pam are obviously in love but yet it's like they don't even wanna be with each other!" Jake said using his hands to get his point across.

I laughed at how passionate he was and continued watching.

After a couple hours of watching I began to feel a bit cold or tired. I shivered slightly and I suppose Jake noticed.

"Here, I'll keep you warm." He said as he began scooting closer to me. He wrapped his arm around me and my head un-noticeably sunk into his chest.

I felt warmer but I don't know why he didn't just offer me the blanket over on the other chair but oh well.

"I think imma head to bed." I said yawning and stretching.

"Oh okay." Jake said. He seemed a bit let down for some reason.

"Night." I said before walking up the stairs. I shut my bedroom door and flopped onto the bed sighing in the process. I've been a bit worried about Jake. Ever since we I guess 'slept' in the same bed he seemed really off. I didn't let it bug me because I wanted to have fun in Disney but we need to make videos and such.

I've been debating questioning him about it. I feel like he's just gonna come up with a typical yet sketchy Jake answer though. Nonetheless I brushed away my thoughts and began to get ready for bed.

As I walked over to my bed I noticed something sticking out of the mattress. I pulled it out and examined it.

Shit! This is Jake's journal thing! I completely forgot about it with going to Disney and stuff.

I pulled it out and began observing the pages. There were tons of writing and the pages were absolutely covered in handwriting and funny little drawings in the corners. The first couple of pages were just filled with what Jake did that day. Each page had my name in which we would Skype or talk over discord.

I kept reading and flipping but something was telling me this was wrong. I know Jake tells me everything so there's no reason why I should be reading this but I couldn't help but flip the writing-filled pages.

As I reached the pages towards the middle of the journal I noticed Jake began writing what I saw wearing and what I looked like each day. Each page became more and more detailed with what I was doing, looked like, my mannerisms or my mood.

I reached a rather interesting page. This page wasn't what Jake had done today or anything. It was an entry on something I couldn't understand.

Journal Entry:

"I can't place it but it's weird. Something just doesn't sit right. In fear I plead that I have what I think it is. Love? Possibly. But if so, why? Knowingly for 5 years, maybe more, how could I taint such a beautiful thing Ive kept going. What is the meaning of this? My heart pounds as I write this. Nervous but yet intrigued. Determined yet fearful. I place my heart in one of which I do want but can not have. It's a burning sensation but feels so delightful. I lick my lips thinking about how the voice trails off the tongue and into the screen in which I watch. I fear a day in which to possibly come. Due to my mistakes in the past I mustn't. But I want to so badly. Why?"

As I read the words I felt something inside of me. Something felt so unsettling but yet it was like a mystery. What was he writing about?

I brushed away the thought and read on. With each and every page I seemed to be mentioned more and more. Now, every detail was more enforced.

As I flipped through more pages I found another entry.

Journal Entry:

"The past has made me question my further decisions. How could I be sure. After Kyle everything just didn't sit right. I haven't dated since so how could I be sure. I hate how my nostalgia makes me question my decisions. After all the men and women I've dated, Kyle was certainly the worst so how do I know he won't turn out like Kyle?"

Wait, Jake has dated men and women? Is he bisexual? Who is Kyle? I thought he told me everything? What is all this information I'm taking in?

I was so confused and oblivious to everything. I didn't understand the sudden shift in the journal and why Jake wouldn't talk to me about this stuff.

(To be continued...)

A/N: my friggin gosh, an actual decent chapter. Sorry about the depressing a/n yesterday, I just needed to vent. Anyway, have a nice day! ~ Sam