The Drug In Me Is You

Without You I'm Nothing

I wanted to dedicate the to my very good friend @ReynaCooper thanks girl for helping me with all of this.

Every night. Every morning. Every breath. I'm lost with out you. Without you I can't breathe, eat, or sleep. Goddamn it I actually thought we would last.

Hmm less two months of touring left then we have December off for Christmas. Right now it's October 20. In my twisted mind there is one thing that haunts me every year. October 24, my birthday.  Out if all things you're not supposed to hate your birthday but I do. I was only 14 when my parents abandoned me, it still haunts me every time. But luckily Jacky's mom and dad adopted me and called me one of their own and everyday I thank them as much as I can.

It was around 6:00 a.m. when I woke up leaving everyone on the PTV bus still asleep. I had coffee making and breakfast cooking. One by one each of the boys woke up starting with Tony. When breakfast was done I handed out everyone their plates.

"Sam how you feeling?" Mike asked.

"Could have been better but that's okay." I said faking a smile.

Could have been better? Is that all you got? Ha you're so pathetic! You're lost without Ronnie. That's all my mind repeats in my head.

Jacky would be up right now so I put on sweats, a hoodie, and my favorite blue sunglasses. Snatching a water out of the fridge I walked out the PTV bus.

"You be careful now." Vic and Mike say as I walked out of the door.

Ronnie's Pov

Why am I so stupid? Sam doesn't love me any more. Jacky lost trust in me, Sam's afraid of me. Why didn't I calmly talked to Sam about this? I ruined everything, goddamn.

Sam's Pov

Knocking on the door I prayed that Ronnie wouldn't greet me at the door. Thank god it was Ron who did. With open arms I said hello to every one.

"How are things?" Jacky says.

"Not good. A lot of stuff on my mind especially that nightmare."

"What nightmare?" Someone asks.

It wasn't Ron, Derek, or Ryan it was Ronnie. I attempted to leave but Ryan grabbed me and making me sit down. Ronnie was waiting for me to tell him but I wouldn't speak.

"Sam has this reoccurring nightmare every October before her birthday about the night her parents abandoned her. We'll leave y'all to talk." Jacky said signaling the boys to go by the bunks.

Silence was the only sound on the bus. We exchanged a few glances but that was it. Inside I wanted to scream out at him that I love him but on the outside I kept my cool.

"Sam......." Ronnie started off.

"Ronnie......." I finally spoke almost giving my self a heart attack.

"Why won't you talk to me?" He said with sorrow in his voice.

"Why did you cheat on me? Why did you threaten to hit me? Answer that one." I snapped at him 

"Sam I don't know why I did what I did. And also Vic was interrupting us!" He returned.

"He was just sticking up for me unlike you going places and cheating on me!" I cry,"I can't sleep, eat, or breathe without thinking about you! You're the one when everything is going wrong for me you make it right! I love you so much I hate to know what my life would be like without you! I almost killed my self because of all of this! I feel like this was all my fault! If you wanted sex all you had to do was ask."

"I never knew anything." He said pulling me into his arms.

As he pulled me into his arms I didn't fight it. It felt so good to be held by him. While I was crying I buried my face in his shoulder as he rubbed my back. Jacky and the boys came out and hugged us. Ronnie's hand lifted my chin up and our eyes met.

"Samantha will you forgive me and come back?"

"No. No, no, no. How can I trust you Ronnie? How do I know you won't do this again?" I cried out again trying to leave.

I was pulled into a hug. In the bottom of my heart I want to forgive him. I do, but it will be hard.

"With out you I'm nothing baby."

"Deep inside I want to forgive you and I will, but this will be hard." I said smiling.

We sat on the couch as held me in his arms. I was trying my best not to cry but I had to let it all out. Ronnie sat there whispering into my ear telling me 'everything will be okay'. But it won't

"What if I have kids of my own and abandon them like my parents!"

"You won't Sam, you're such a caring person that you'll never let that happen. Everything will be okay." He said kissing me.

The past three days I stayed with PTV but I still hung out with Ronnie as much as I could.

Ugh today is the worst day of my life! It's Friday which means it's my 21st birthday. As soon as Vic woke up he forced me off of the bus.

"Sam you are not allowed back on the bus until we are done having guy time. Which will be for a while. Now go hang with Ronnie." Vic said slamming the door.

What? If they are planning any thing I will freaking be pissed! One more thing to mention I hate surprises too! Being so mad I didn't even knock on the door I just went straight into Ronnie's room and laid on the bed screaming profanity into the pillow.

"I hate this day I hate this day. I fucking hate this day!" I yelled.

Apparently I had yelled so loud because Ronnie came in the room. He laid right next to me and started playing with my hair.

"I hate this fucking day!" I repeatedly said for the 100th time.

"Babe how about we get your mind off of this and go to the mall. Me and you?"

"The mall sounds okay. Let's go." I groaned. 

As soon as we got to the mall Ronnie dragged me into Hot Topic. He basically bought out almost the whole store because I kept saying 'Omg this is so cute.'. After that we sat down at the food court and started to eat. The way his eating his fries made me giggle a lot. 

"What's so funny babe?" He said eating his burger. 

"I love you, Ronnie with out you I'm nothing."

"No princess that's the other way around, I'm nothing with out you." He said dragging me to a new store.

Gosh I love him.