My Trans FtM Journal

Venting pt. 2

Well... today was the first day back in hell, otherwise known as school.

I had several anxiety attacks, before I even got to school. I was able to calm down around 5th period, but I was still really awkward the rest of the day.

My friends still call me by my birth name and pronouns, because I'm closeted still. That really sucked, and it's going to suck as long as I'm in the closet. I don't know when I'm going to come out, but I know it won't be anytime soon. I might come out to my closest friends within the next month or so, but I'm just going to focus on my grades for the moment.

Let's talk about my teachers.
All of my teachers are great (for the moment) my classes were great...for the most part. In Every class I'm in, the teacher always asked "is there any names anyone would like to be called by." In that moment I wanted to leave because I know I can't tell the teachers. That would involve me coming out to my classes which I'm not ready to do yet. So I just had to sit there and suffer. That sucked more than anything because of role call. 

Today, today sucked ASS. It sucked and I don't know if tomorrow is going to be any better. I don't think it is but you gotta have hope I guess. (even if it's only a little) I honestly think this whole year is gonna suck but, who knows. That's all I had to vent but I will see how tomorrow goes.

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Posted 8/15/18