Chasing Pavements

Revelation

(Disclaimer ulit : This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

P.S. TWITTER PARTY TAYO FAAAAM!)

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Maine remembers the chill she felt when she saw in his email all the photos of the men her husband dated.

"May nakita akong folder sa email nya, correspondences with men..." Maine lights up a cigarette.

"Doc, sa tagal ko nang hindi nakikipag date, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang uso ngayon. I saw photos of these men, and their.... Shlongs. They send pics of their etits to my husband, Doc. God.... and he would reply if he liked them or not..."

Maine pauses and breathes deeply.

"From what I have read, they would meet up, usually during lunch hour or a little after work, and "hook up"... He even has a back up of their conversations. Thank goodness for back up cloud, nandun lahaaaaat Doc. It's like reading another person."

"That must have been shocking for you."

"Doc. Hindi lang tulala e. Para akong nakuryente. Parang may nagbuhos ng malamig na tubig sa buong pagkatao ko. Nanlamig buong kalamnan ko and all of a sudden all these memories flashed." Tears uncontrollably fell from Maine's weary eyes.

"Kaya pala hindi nya ako masyadong hinahagkan.... Kaya pala malamig sya sa akin kadalasan... All the while I thought, is it because I have gotten fat? Or is it because I look old? Lahat ng insecurities ko over the years, yun pala dahil hindi naman pala talaga ako ang gusto nya. Di pala ako ang minahal nya."

"What made you say that he didn't love you?"

"Would you do that to someone you love? Lie all these years? Pretending we were happy. We clicked Doc, since day 1 that I met him. And it's been 10 years. 10 years and he knew all along that he's gay? Or that he has needs that I can never give to him?"

Maine explains.

"Plus Doc, naisip ko and that in any marriage, it's somewhat understandable that a couple isn't as sweet anymore. So I tried to find ways to keep the flame alive. Yun pala hindi lang ako ang problema. Bad trip diba?"

Maine inhales her 1st cigarette in the session.

"Going back to my question, with how much this situation is bothering you, why did you not tell anyone?"

"As I said, he suffered a stroke. I don't want to be that wife who leaves her husband at his time of need. Ayoko yung may sakit yung tao, iiwanan ko sa ere ganun na lang. He is the father of my child. May pinag samahan din naman kami..."

"And how does that make you feel, Maine? When you have to tend to your husband's needs despite him lying to you, and cheating on you?"

"It feels unfair, Doc."

"Mmm-kay."

"I feel like I am always trying to win at life, but somehow life catches up on me."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

She takes another hit of her cigarette, and puts it out. She lights another one.

"I have always tried to be happy. The perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect wife.... You know I stopped smoking when I married Matt? I wanted to start a new life, and to finally be happy that I chose him..."

Maine starts to recall the night Matthew proposed to her.

It was a lovely night with the cool summer breeze enveloping them as they had dinner by candlelight at the rooftop of his condominium. They were celebrating their 2nd year anniversary, and he popped a bottle of wine and filled their glasses. He stood up and went nearer, gave her a glass, and suddenly knelt down in front of her.

Maine. My love. From the moment I met you, everything felt right. You have saved me from myself, your love healed me from all my pain, and I will forever be thankful for having you in my life. I promise to take care of you, to love you with all my heart. Marry me. Will you?

She was stunned. She finished the glass of wine in her hand in one gulp, and said yes.

Of course she said yes. She has been dating this man for 2 years.

"This is probably the very first time I will admit it out loud, Doc. The moment he asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic, BUT there was a brief moment as we were hugging, that I thought of Alden. How.... How I thought it would still be him in the end..."