The demon in me

Chapter 18

I'm going on holiday next week, so there won't be any more updates for a short while. There is only a few more chapters anyway, not entirely sure how many though.

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The dull bleeps continued to pour in my ears. I was fully conscious behind my sealed body. I could hear everything but see or do nothing. In a paralytic state, I must admit, initially, it was terrifying, being rendered in cable to move. Trapped behind my own sealed eyes. But, now, it's just boring. The majority of the time the only sound I could hear was the heart monitor to my right constantly ticking away my life, occasionally Sam and Dean would talk around me. Nothing of importance, just 'do you want anything to eat?' or ' You should get some rest.' I could still feel in my sealed existence, therefore I was completely aware of a large hand in mine. Undoubtedly Sam's. I was cold, not too cold that I should shiver but an internal cold like I was in need of love and blankets and puppies. Which isn't exactly my thing. The constant full body ache had dulled to a minor throb, that I had adjusted to days ago, of course, I lost count of how long I had been here, a long time ago. Neither of the boys had tried directly speaking to me, they seemed to sit in silence, watching the clock, watching me. I knew of their presence from the occasional faint rustle of a jacket or the clearing of a throat but that was the only human contact I had known for far too long. It was almost painful. Even when one brother was left alone they still wouldn't pour their hearts out to me, like you imagine they do in all the soppy movies, they wouldn't even talk to me. Just silence. It was deafening. 

        I knew roughly the time around each day. Early in the morning, I could guess around 6am, a nurse would come and pull back the curtains, the woosh of them would wake me, back behind my eyelids and then the bright daylight would shine in and make the blackened world I was living in grow to own a reddish tinge, this signified the start of a new day. Minutes, but more likely hours, later, someone would grunt, whichever of the boys had stayed with me that night. Their bones would click as they stretched out and then they would sigh and sit back in their chair, often our hands intertwined and the silence began and the clock would begin to tick away another day. Not long after, they other brother would turn up, from some run down motel no doubt, and sit in another seat, on the opposite side of my bed. He would exchange a quick 'Hello' with his brother and then no more noise would follow as they sat there, evidently thinking intently. Around lunch time, one of them would leave, and then return with hospital cafe food, and they would sit, and eat, in silence. Then the day would continue slowly until the sun would begin to set and whoever stayed the previous night would wish the other a goodnight  before leaving. Maybe an hour or so on another nurse would return and draw the curtains and I would let my mind drift, filling it with dreams.

        This routine left me with many questions, most of which I had managed to answer myself, thanks to the overwhelming amount of free time I know had on my hands. But some I was in cable of doing so. Such as, why bother staying? They could go each day and then return, I wasn't asking them to stay, and I hadn't known them long enough to develop an attachment? What was with this unbearable silence? Someone needs to say something because I was going mad inside there....

As each day passed, I was becoming more and more frustrated, praying to god my eyes would open or something, maybe if my finger twitched or something. A sign. Where was that freaking angel when you needed him? I constantly was breathing shallowly but if I could just expel some air from my lungs in a sigh a little louder, they might notice. Talk to me even. But, no. By now I just wanted out.