The demon in me

Epilogue

*Sams POV*

We'd split, Dean and I. Not long after... he was adamant that he couldn't respect what she had wanted knowing the killer was out there. I told him I couldn't follow him, no matter how much I wanted to, that I had to respect her final wish. He left without another word or a backwards glance but shrugged on his duffel bag and kicked the door shut with as much anger as he could muster. But, he was broken too. I had to remind myself of that. It wasn't his fault. When she left us, we broke. Not a clean break, straight down the middle. But we shattered, shards of us flying in different directions, clinging to anything we could find. Splintered, broken. I promised to her and to myself that I would do as she wished.

I lied.

'Be Happy...'

The last words she choked out through her slashed throat, barely a whisper, her intentions so pure. And I tried, I really did, to be happy. I smiled though I never felt like doing so and I laughed but it was bitter and forced on my tongue. On the outside I tried to be the distantly friendly person she knew me as, but inside that person is dead. Everytime I forced a smile all I saw was her pale body, her hollow cheeks and the blood, so much blood, pouring, streaming from her body. Draining the life from her body. I have buried myself in numerous jobs because the killing felt good. I could work out my anger and in that single moment where the blade would slice through the monster cutting the life out of it I would forget the pain I felt and only bathe in theirs. 

And you know what, she was right, she was always right, hunters don't get attatched, we both learnt that the hard way. But now  I know.

'Be Happy...'

I tried, I'm still trieing, but I will never forgive and never forget only soldier on as I was raised to do, because that's what you do when you lose someone you love.

You keep going.