((KENZIE'S POINT OF VIEW))
I leaned my head on the counter top letting out a deep breath. The pain in my head wasn't getting any better, I still had no appetite and to make matters worse, Lennon is teething so all he has being doing is crying.
It's been 11 days since I kicked Dylan out of the house, he hasn't come by for his clothes and I haven't heard from him since. I was tempted to ask Josh but I didn't want to bring him to it and make him fall out with his best friend.
''Kenzie are you ok?'' I heard Mia asked I hummed not able to speak I just left my head on the counter.
''Mom what's wrong?'' I rocked my body covering my ears the pain was eating me alive.
''I'm fine. baby'' I said holding my head up with the little bit of energy I had.
''Go in and watch telly I'll be in, in a minute.'' I held onto the counter as I stood up straight, they watched me carefully while the left the room, I laid back down my body was exhausted, I never in my wildest dream thought motherhood was like this, I thought he'd be around and we'd be in it together.
''Where is she?'' I heard someone from the distant ask, my body was burning in pain, everything hurt, my back, my head, my stomach, my arms and legs, every where.
''Oh my god Kenzie!'' someone screamed, my eyes fluttered but I was too tired to open them.
''Amy honey go inside.... Mia get her out of her now.'' a male voice barked and a hand was on my cheeks.
''Kenzie, sis come on wake up.... honey wake up.'' it was Josh, my head was moved from side to side but nothing, I was mind awake but my body was out cold.
''Call an ambulance!''
Everything I heard was far off in the distant, it was all so quiet and peaceful, I just wanted to stay like this.
''Kenzie!'' someone said, I let out a deep breath opening my eyes. I looked around a white room I frowned and tried sitting up.
''Hey, hey relax there.'' a doctor said.
''Why am I here?''
''You collapsed at home went into a deep sleep took you a while to come around.'' I looked at him.
''What?'' I asked.
''You're dehydrated, exhausted and you're unweight.'' I leaned my head back then gasped.
''I've to get to my kids, my daughter will be freaking out.''
''Hey relax, she's outside with your family, just relax ok I'll let her in after I check your blood pressure, If you went another week Kenzie you wouldn't have collapsed you would have dropped dead, you haven't been taking care of yourself.'' my eyes watered.
''It's hard when you've two new born boys.'' he nodded.
''I know sweetheart but in order to take care of your children you have to take care of yourself.''
''What do you recommend?'' he smiled
''Let your family take your kids for a couple of nights order out soak yourself in the bath watch movies, sleep and spend the days sitting on your ass.'' I chuckled
''Be blunt doc.'' he chuckled.
''I'm going to prescribe pills for your blood pressure take them for a week when you wake up in the morning, I'm also going to give you a sleeping tablets, when you have a couple of days to yourself use them catch up on the miss weeks of sleep.'' I nodded.
''Can you get my daughter for me?'' he smiled and nodded, I pushed myself up on the bed two minutes later the door shot open a red eye Amy stood there.
''Aw baby come here.'' she cried running over to me, I picked her up and wrapped my arms around her
''I'm sorry for scaring you baby, but momma's ok.'' she sniffled her tiny arms fitted around me making my stomach turn I was so underweight; it's no wonder Dylan lost interest.
''Hey come on now, none of this crying.'' I wiped her tears I kissed her cheek.
''I'm ok, it's all going to be ok I promise.'' I said, she just couldn't control her tears.
''Shush my Magget you're going to make me cry.'' she wiped her cheeks mumbling sorry; I smiled and hugged her tight.
''So can I go doc?''
''Only if you promise me to rest.''
''She will.'' I turned to see my dad and I frowned but he was already frowning hard and it made my stomach turn.
''She'll be in bed for a week after this doctor and I'm not going to take any of her shit from her.'' I looked down Amy's lips tugged I poked her side she chuckled.
''I've to get dressed.'' I said pulling the covers off myself grimacing seeing a hospital gown on me.
''Here.'' I took the bag from my dad and went into the bathroom putting a tracksuit on done my teeth and once I was discharged I walked outside my brothers sister my grandparents where all there.
''Hey my little soldiers.'' I cooed to my baby boys, I took them out kissing all over their faces; they giggled nuzzling their heads into my neck.
''Kenzie Marie.'' my mom said I sighed.
''Ma you can chew off my ass later just not here.'' she sighed and nodded in defeat I kissed the boys and put them back into their pram strapping them up. My dad drove us home and it was silent and tense the entire time. When I got in I put the boys into their swings and bent down to Amy.
''Even mommy's get giving out to by their mommy's and daddy's.'' she scanned my face I opened my arms and hugged her tight kissing her cheek.
''I'll be back in, in a few minutes will you watch them, call me if you need me.'' she nodded I kissed her cheek and went into the kitchen and sat down.
''Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?'' my mom asked.
''You worry too much as it is mom for everyone, I didn't want my problems to be yours.'' she frowned.
''You're my fucking daughter Kenzie, your problems are my fucking problems, especially when I'm told by a doctor if it was another week on no sleep no eating you'd be fucking dead, how's you think it feels for me and your dad, we could have been burying you, those kids would have been left without a mother.'' she snapped at me.
''I didn't think it was that bad, it's not like I was starving myself I was just never hungry and I did eat.''
''Clearly not enough you weigh 84 pounds that's exactly 6 stone and you weight 10 stone 1 pounds before the kids, you were gorgeous and curvy you let yourself drop like this''
''Mom you had dad, I had fucking no one I didn't want anyone's sympathy. My kids father didn't want to know me let alone my kids he hasn't been here in weeks I kicked him out of the house haven't heard from him since. It's hard ok dad was there to give you a break, I done every single night feed I have a 6 year old to spend time with but I can't because he's not here to watch his kids, so my weight is the least of my problems, fucking ignore me but ignoring his kids is a whole different level.''
''Then fucking leave him, get out of this house.''
''I can't.''
''Why can't you, I'll buy you and the kids a house of your own.''
''Amy isn't mine dad I can't take her from him he can easily take her back from me that's the only reason why I'm still here is because of her, if I had a way to adopt her without all the stress involved I'd do it.'' I angrily wiped tears from my eyes.
''I've been out cold for 2 days, 2 days without my kids , see yourself out.'' I said leaving the kitchen going back into the living room, I smiled as their three heads turned to me, the boys kicked tiny legs in excitement.
''Let's see what's on telly huh.'' I said to Amy and took the boys out sitting on the long sofa Lennon on my left, Parker in between my legs leaning back so he couldn't fall and Amy on my right. We put on the Smurfs I ran my hand through Amy's hair the boys where to amazed by sitting on the sofa looking around the room. Forty minutes into the movie Amy feel asleep so did Parker, I laid Amy down covering her and Laid Parker on my chest, I lifted Lennon onto my chest rubbing his back, he ran his down my face I blew air into his face, he giggled and laid his head my chest, I leaned my head back on the cushion swaying the both of them until Lennon was asleep. I laid back a little and put a blanket over them my eyes going back to the telly.
I woke up to movement on my chest, I opened my eyes Parker turning his head woke me; I looked at Amy who was still asleep as well as the twins. A clearing of the throat got my attention; I lifted my head to see Dylan sitting on the sofa across the room.
''What are you doing here?'' I asked
''To see my kids... and you.'' I rolled my eyes.
''What, you heard I was in hospital and you felt guilty for being a dead beat dad.'' he looked at his hands I shook my head.
''You're just like your old man Dylan and unlike your mom I'm not sticking around you, so pack your shit and get out of my house and never come back.''
''You can't do that, you can't take them away from me.''
''I fucking well can.''
''You can't take Amy and you know it.'' I glared him down making him swallowed hard.
''I'd fight you tooth and nail in court of her and you and I both know it'd be me she'd pick, you not think she had it hard enough your old man being a scumbag and you turning out like him.''
''I'm not like him Kenzie.'' he growled I got up and put the boys into there's play pen lying them on the pillows.
''Get out they're asleep.'' I opened the living room door he followed and I closed it.
''Why is now any different.'' I asked crossing my arms.
''I didn't know what I had until it was gone. I was working, having a great time with my boys I had no worries had money had a house I didn't have debt I had a girl I had kids, I just wanted to have fun.''
''What and cheating on me was fun?'' he snapped his head to me
''Never, I never cheated on you, never looked at another women the way I look at you, and I can place my hands on the life of those 3 kids in that room.'' I looked him up and down.
''Where have you been?''
''Stead at one my friend's house trying to see where I fucked up, how it ended like this, this life is all I wanted, never mind money or the big house, I wanted you I wanted kids with you and I have that.''
''You had that Dylan, you may have those kids but don't have me anymore, you've caused too much shit in my life.''
''Please give me one more chance Kenzie I swear to god I won't fuck this up I promise you, one chance to prove to you I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our 3 kids.'' my eyes never moved from him.
''Do you know what the doctor said to me?'' he didn't respond or nod
''If I had gone another week longer, I wouldn't have collapsed, I would have dropped dead and Amy would have been the one to find me, that's how bad I am Dylan, I'm anorexic, I've low blood pressure and I'm dehydrated and I haven't had a good night sleep in over 8 months.'' I saw a lot of emotions come across his face and he slowly sat down on the stairs the colour going from his face.
''Dylan I can't trust you anymore, but I can for the kids' sake let you see them, that's all I can do.''
''Please let me prove to you Kenzie please I won't do another thing wrong I swear.'' I pushed my hair out of my face.
''I need to focus on the kids and myself Dylan, I've to get myself better so I can be the mom they need, if I let you... back in it's going to mess me up again.'' his eyes watered, the living room door opened making me turn around and Amy walked out, she stopped in her tracks when she saw Dylan.
''Hey princess.'' she stood behind me, her arms going around my legs; he looked as if his heart was torn from his chest. I tightened my arms around her when the kitchen door opened and my mom walked out followed by my dad I frowned.
''I thought use left.''
''Get out now Dylan.'
''Ju-'' my dad grabbed him by the scruff of the neck.
''We're going for a drive boy.'' the door closed after him.
''Momma.'' Amy's voice quivered.
''Hey.'' I chuckled tilting her chin up.
''Grandpa is just going to talk to him it's ok.'' she hugged my leg.
''Amy you want to come stay with us tonight?'' my mom asked.
''No.'' she tightened her arms around my legs.
''Amy honey you heard the doctor your momma needs to rest and stay in bed.''
''I'll stay in bed with her.''
''You've school.''
''I'll miss school I never miss school but I'll miss it for mom.'' I bent down to her and wiped her cheeks and hugged her looking at my mom.
''Mom I can handle them.'' I said she looked so sad for me and I hated it.
''Do you love your kids?'' I nodded
''More than anything in this world and the next.''
''You're my kid and I love you and it's tearing my heart apart watching you like this, would you stand by if that was her?'' I shook my head.
''It's a sleep over for a few nights it's not like you won't see them I'll bring them by and we'll all eat here.'' I looked at Amy and rubbed her cheek.
''I'm really tired baby girl.'' she frowned I pushed her hair out of her face.
''The doctor gave me pills that's going to make me sleep for the day and I won't wake up, you'd be all on your own.'' she frowned.
''It's to help me get better so what happened two days ago won't happen again.''
''Are we going for good?'' she whispered in a shaky voice I frowned then chuckled.
''No baby no you're having a sleep over at grandma's until Saturday then you and your brothers are coming back here to me, you'll still see me, you can come over tomorrow night ok and we'll have dinner and watch a movie'' she nodded and hugged me tight.
''I love you.'' she cried my eyes water.
''I love you too baby, you've no idea.'' I picked her up she wrapped her legs around me I hugged her tight.
''Your aunty is going to help you pack ok.'' she nodded I kissed her cheek putting her on the ground and she went upstairs with Mia I looked at my mom she walked over and hugged me.
''I've never been away from either of them since they were born.'' she nodded.
''Don't you worry about them, we know what we're doing they'll have a lot of fun being around everyone.'' I sniffled and nodded she kissed my cheek.
''You're going to be fine baby I promise all of this will pass and it'll be like it had never happened.''
'''You think.... With him?'' she nodded.
''If the love is really strong it'll work out, just focus on yourself and those kids.'' I nodded.
4 days without my kids, 4 days of sleep. Call me a bad mother but I couldn't wait to just sleep and not have to get up for something.
