fading memories || Ashton Irwin

The morning sky

I look at his sleeping face and wonder how such a peacful soul could ever be in love with me. I am nothing compared to his smile, the way it could continue to brighten the darkest parts of my brain. Even though I try so hard to be there for him, it was getting worse.

"Babe," Ashton let out a tired moan, "go to sleep please."

I wiped a tear off my cheek, "I..I can't" I choked out.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"No don't cry, you're too fucking beautiful to cry" he placed his lips on my forehead, "what's wrong, no wait don't answer that, come here"

With that he swung his legs over the side of the bed, wrapped one arm behind my back and the other under my legs, he placed gentle kisses on my neck until I let out a small giggle.

"Where are we going?" i wrapped my arms around his neck and nuzzeled my face in his shoulder

"We're going to get icecream of course." he said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

*****

"Can I ask, why icecream?" I sat with ashton on the beach where we had first met, staring at the black water with the freezing morning air flowing through my hiar.

"Icecream just reminds me of happieness, and you were sad, so i felt like you needed some happieness," he shrugged, taking another spoonful.

"Can I ask another thing?" I turned to face Ashton, placing my hands on his knees to get his attention, he nodded in response, "why me?"

He cocked his head to the side ever so slightly and furrowed his eyebrows "What do you mean?"

"Why did you ever start talking to me, and why are you still here..." I blurted out, I couldn't admit it before but that was the real reason I found myself with the inability to sleep.

"Because you seemed interesting, the first time I met you wasn't the first time I saw you Katerina."

"I don't understand"

"I've lived in this neighbourhood all of my life, do you really think you're that unnoticeable. Day after day I'd see you, sitting on that old, rusty swing set clutching onto that leather bound book of yours"

I felt my cheeks turn a bright shade of red.

"And when I saw you sitting there, alone, clutching that same book, I finally found my chance."

I brought my head to rest on his shoulder and stared at the rising sun, and how the ocean became alive the minute it found a beaming ray. I gazed to the horizon at the pinks and oranges peeking out from the darkness of night, that to me was happiness. The colours of the morning sky, but it was better for him not to know that.

We sat like that for what felt like an eternity, the constant memory of the day we first met running through my brain. I started to wonder if he was thinking the same thing, I stared at the brown haired boy next to me, he was thinking about something, and it was obvious it was worrying him. It was the way he slightly creased his eyebrows, and how the corners of his mouth were pointed down ever so slightly.

"Don't forget, you promised me I could read your writing."

"I know, I remember. One day I promise, but not now."

Later I would think about what he said, about how icecream reminded him of happieness, and later i would realise that maybe I wasn't the one he was trying to make happy, maybe it was him.