fading memories || Ashton Irwin

The trainrecks

"Why?", the gentle hum of my car engine rang in my ears, I tugged at my hair.
"Why what?" Ashton tried to push my question off with a slight giggle.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about"
"Look, I really don't want to talk about it. I was young and dumb, and I didn't think things could get any better for me. I was at my lowest point," his voice croaked, the way voices do when someone is about to cry.
"Would you ever think about doing it again?" I brushed the tear off my cheek.
"I would be lying if I said the thought hasn't crossed my mind since that night, but I wouldn't because I didn't realize my life could turn out this amazing."
"Ashton," I laced my fingers in his and ran my thumb across his knuckles.
"A year ago I was alone in my room crying over a girl that didn't love me, a friend that couldn't give less of a shit about me and a piece of shit dad. I hated the way I looked and never wanted to leave my bed. but Oh my god If only I knew that a year later I would be living with the girl I am madly In love with, I have caring friends and I'm starting to get my life back together . I wish I knew that it does get better you might just have to wait a while"

Those last few words rang in my ears and shit, they tore my heart in two. Those words always seemed so cliche' id hear them and let them slip past my brain, never really taking the time to catch them and analysis them. When anyone told me it got better i never believed them but for some reason when they fell from Ashton's mouth it felt so real. Having this conversation reminded me of a story (a true story) I had read; A man survived jumping off the Brooklyn bridge and he told his therapist (or someone along those lines) that just as he jumped he realized that he could fix and change everything he did in his life, everything besides what he just did. And that makes you wonder what those 5 seconds of falling would've felt like and what would've been going through his brain. I also brings up the question; is there a moment where every person realizes this. I mean theoretically tomorrow I could pack up all my belongings, change my name to Margret and move to spain. I have the power to change my life and steer it in any direction I want, everyone has that power,

"Please say something babe," his words came out in stutters as he spoke,
"Its just," I paused to gather my thoughts, "a year ago my life was a train wreck, and this year its a pile of trash which still isn't great but holy fuck its an improvement and I have you to thank for making it better. The truth is Ashton i am madly in love with you and im terrified that you will leave because you are the only real light in my life."
He placed his lips against my forehead slightly before whispering, "I love you too Kat, and I promise I will never leave you."

Holy fuck how I wish he kept that promise.