Poet's Jasmine

Chapter 10

We're All In This Together  ?

Hesitation was unavoidable whenever a new call reached the phone. Conversations were just so difficult. Especially when you'd been pushing your friends away for months. But it had been done. The call was over.

Mindy was now on her way to meet her friends. At least she could feel better with herself, for making that effort. Or could she? Did a one time thing make up for months of cold behaviour and distance?

Her key turned the door, and she could swear the metal of the keyhole was as rusty as her social skills.

Wynter and Charlotte seemed surprised.

"Huh. Apparently giving you that key last Christmas wasn't such a waste after all." Wynter observed. She was perhaps the most critical of the group. Not necessarily in a bad way. Granted she could be a bit harsh on Mindy, but that was her right. Friendship was, after all, a matter of giving and receiving.

Mindy had trouble giving back. Not when it came to material things, but when it came to herself. Vulnerability? Not for her.

And how could friendships function if one-sided?

"Well come on in, what are you doing there, analyzing our door hinges?" Charlotte, known to be carefree and always in an uplifted spirit, rushed to say.

 Mindy bought into her playful manner "Yea actually, how nice are they? Quite nice if you ask me. Almost retro with that old creaky sound."

See? Mindy did have some sarcasm in her. Irony was as much of a part of her as philosophic conversations and awkwardness. Most of the time she was serious, most of the time she was cold, but maybe because most of the time she was uncomfortable.

With these girls she was at ease. Although maybe not enough, considering they were childhood friends.

In front of these girls, she could be her ugliest self. Weird pijamas, greasy hair, loud voice, eccentric self, and all that.

Yes, you wouldn't believe it. Mindy Thewlis could in fact make jokes, could in fact be inappropriate, could in fact gossip (if given the right situation), could in fact feel ugly feelings, be mean, but also joyful and so, so talkative.

But it was a stretch to go from comfortable to trusting.

Mindy was a listener. She had a true desire to help. Or was that only her way of feeling valuable? Either way she was reliable. She was dependable. She was needed.

On the other hand, she didn't need anyone. She could face it alone. It didn't come natural to her, to pour her heart out to someone, even if that someone was a long-lasting friendship with more than proof of its safety, of its security, of its reliance.

Sometimes that disconnection came back to bite her.

Again. Any relationship consists of giving and receiving. Maybe it was a bit selfish to receive from others and then not reciprocate. No wonder they would drift apart. 

She was aware of this problem. She was rational of most of her faults, of the troubles she caused herself for being fearful and insecure. But fear is that powerful — it will freeze even the most logical person.

"Alright, shut up. Just hug us." Wynter said, meaning it, despite the joking tone.

And so she did.

And everything seemed alright. All right.

Everything seemed forgotten. Pushed behind. That easily - with just a hug. Mindy wondered how long it would last before they got tired and simply gave up on her. But she shoved that thought aside, for the sake of relishing that moment.