Dear Niklaus

Chapter 9: Knowledge

            Opening my eyes, I found myself in a hospital. The mood was somber and I just wanted to run away from this depressing setting. I turn to walk away, but I hear a wale come from down the hall. Curiosity killed the cat, so I went to investigate.

            A few doctors ran passed me to the room I figured the blood-curdling cry came from. I finally made my way to the room to hear the continuous beep of the EKG, which let me know whoever heart it was monitoring is dead. I also saw my mom on the floor with her hands covering her face. My dad stood over her with a blank expression overtaking his face. Cassie was huddled in a corner with Wes embracing her tightly while she sobbed on his shoulder.

       I didn’t see anyone else in the room except for the few I named. I walked towards the bed and when I went to look at the face of the person a blinding white light covered his or her face. I went to touch the motionless body when the person’s hand grabbed my arm roughly and yelled, “Help me!”

       The blinding white light that covered the face blurred away showing Niklaus screaming for me to help him. My own voice trapped in my throat prevented me from asking how. I looked away from Niklaus’ face to call for more help because the doctors in here now looked clueless. When I went to look back at Niklaus, the scenery changed. Everyone was now outside at a burial site. The burial was an open casket, so I assumed it was near the end of the service. Slowly, I made my way to the casket while rain began to pour from the heavens. I looked to my hand to see a single blood red rose in my right hand. I neared closer to the casket. My mouth dried up and my hands became clammy. My nerves shot and my legs about to give out any minute now worsened my already nervous state.

       Finally, I reached the casket and was afraid to look. My breathing became ragged as I reluctantly leaned forward. The rain came down harder accompanied with thunder and bolts of lightning. Another centimeter and I would see my worst nightmare. I went to move to look inside, but when I looked inside, I was pushed inside and began to fall into a black abyss. 

       Like that, I woke from the dream, no nightmare that haunted me whenever I closed my eyes. The nightmare is an extension of the dream I had when my parents and I were returning from the airport when we saw Kirsten and Charlotte off. When I’m close to peering into the casket, I’m pushed inside and then I awake screaming. My mother freaked when it first happened. I went to bed that night hoping to have a good night’s rest because I had been attending doctor’s appointments with Niklaus as well as helping him out after he had his chemotherapy.

       The chemo took a lot out of him. The goal of chemotherapy is to rid his body of the fast-growing cancer cells, but it also damages the fast-growing healthy cells, so he is usually fatigued (from not just the chemo, but the cancer itself, anemia–low levels of red blood cells–and the emotional turmoil of dealing with the cancer) and nauseous. His hair was beginning to come out, so he chose to go ahead and shave it all off. I told him he was going to look so weird, but he didn’t care.

       I had a conversation with the doctor once at his appointment while he went to the bathroom. I was curious as to which type of pancreatic cancer Niklaus had. The doctor was hesitant to give away the information, but seeing as I’ve been attending most of Niklaus’ appointments he shared the information. I’m going to school everyone on the pancreas and its cancer.

       The pancreas is made of glands; the exocrine gland, which helps digest food and endocrine glands, which hormones such as insulin, that maintain blood sugar levels. Two types of pancreatic cancer occur in either the exocrine glands or the endocrine glands. Majority of the pancreatic cancers begin in the exocrine cells. This cancer was affecting Niklaus. The exocrine tumors are called adenocarcinomas. Pancreatic cancer is 90% of the time found in people 55 or older, but Niklaus was a part of the 10%.