An Angel's Love

Castiel - Memories

Castiel stood in heaven, looking over his fallen comrades. No, ‘comrades’ was too strong a word. They were his enemies. They had followed Raphael and now they had paid the price. He raised his head. 

“Understand. If you followed Raphael, if you stood against me, punishment is certain; there is nowhere to hide. The rest of you, our Father left a long time ago, and that was hard. I thought the answer was free will. But I understand now. You need a firm hand. You need a father. And I am your father now. Be obedient, children. Or this will be your fate.” He looked down again. “It is a new day. On earth, and in heaven. Rejoice.” And he vanished.

Next he went to churches and religious groups, destroying those he deemed unworthy – punishing the liars and those who had forsaken him. Then he went to Crowley. He had figured out early on that he would still need someone in charge of Hell. He needed Lucifer and Michael to stay where they were, and also needed a threat to hold over his enemies.

It was only when that was done that he paused. Something was still lacking. And he knew what it was. Well who to be precise.  Auzura. She was his comrade. Before his ascension to Godhood, they had been equals. She had fought beside him against Raphael. She had trusted him absolutely. She would’ve followed him to the end of the universe, he knew. But that was before she found out. About the souls and purgatory; his deal with Crowley. She had been so angry, at first. She had yelled at him. He had tried, really tried, to explain. He was doing it for them. For her and the Winchester’s, and all the humans. But she had refused to listen to logic. She quit. As if it was that simple! As if you could just ‘quit’ from a civil war! She was like Anna, and the Winchester’s, too ruled by emotion. He warned her that it was a risky move. She had just glared at him. Then he lost his temper. He ordered her to fight with him. She didn’t bother responding, just teleported herself away.  He had wanted to follow her, make her understand, but he knew he couldn’t. For the exact same reason he hadn’t told the Winchester Brothers. He had still had doubts. Small ones. He knew no one would understand. Unless he counted Crowley as a person. But he didn’t. Crowley was just a means to an end. A slimy backstabber that Castiel would have to put up with. He had only seen her once more since that day. But she would understand now! It had worked. He had ended the war! And she would smile at him again, that sweet, innocent smile her host had down pat. How he missed her smiles. He remembered the warmth he felt just by being near her. He closed his eyes. Another memory surfaced. The last time he had seen her.

The Winchester’s had found out about the deal. They had called him and trapped him. Then the questioning began. Dean practically begged him to say that he wasn’t working with Crowley. But Cas just looked away. He no longer wanted to lie. Dean had sworn at him. Cas had tried to explain how it was to protect them, but they didn’t listen. He told them how he had raised Sam from perdition, to let them know that he was still on his side, but that made it worse.

“You don't understand. It's complicated.” Cas had said.

“No, actually, it's not,” Dean said. “And you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!” he finished angrily.

“It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?” Cas had responded calmly, looking at Dean.

“ I was there. Where were you?” Dean asked gazing back into Castiel’s eyes.

Cas remembered then. The point where he was on the verge of asking, but he had walked away. Cas looked away.

“You should've come to us for help, Cas.” Dean said, looking away. His eyes looked misty.

“Maybe,” Cas replied, also looking away. “But-“

“No, Dean’s right.” Auzura had said from the shadows. “You should have told us.” She stepped forward then. “Now you’ve put the whole world in jeopardy.”

“Auzura.” Cas whispered. Then he glared at her. “I did what I had to do.”

She laughed at that, walking in between the brothers. “No. You didn’t. ­­If that was the case you would have told me. But you didn’t. And look where we are now. Good job.”

“You don’t understand-“

“Exactly! Don’t you find it odd that the only person who does understand you … is a demon. The new Devil, in fact! Explain that.”

He looked at her. He had no answer. He hadn’t thought about it like that. But it was too late now.

“No,” she said. “I didn’t think you would say anything.” She sighed, and then suddenly doubled over in pain. Dean caught her elbow. She coughed and stood up, but she looked different. Her face was no longer clean and unscathed. It was now covered in small cuts and bruises. Her arms also showed small injuries.

Anger surged through Castiel. “What happened to you?” He asked.

She gave a half laugh. “You know what happens when an angel deserts? One side tries to kill you because you deserted, while the other believes it’s just a clever ploy to gain intel on their side, and even if it was the truth, she has still has some info on the opponent. So both sides hunt you, all over Heaven. Even Earth had become a hunting ground. One side wanting to kill her, the other wanting to torture her for information and then kill her. Let me tell you, it’s not fun.” She coughed weakly. Dean put a hand on her arm reassuringly. She smiled at him. Cas felt his heart breaking. This was his fault.

“Au-“he began.  But then the demon’s arrived. He knew he had little time.

“It’s too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't.” he said, looking at all of them, then giving Auzura a pleading look.

“It's not too late. Dammit, Cas! We can fix this!” Dean said angrily, walking in front of her.

“Dean, it's not broken!” Cas replied in a stern tone. There was a silence in which the buzzing of the demons grew. Cas looked at Dean. “Run!” he commanded. “You have to run now! Run!”

They had no choice. They left. Dean shot Cas one last look before going through the door and shutting it. Leaving Cas alone, except for Auzura. Cas looked at her. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but she would never comprehend it.

“Goodbye Cas,” she said sadly, after a pause. Then she once more teleported out of his life.

And not a minute too soon. Crowley entered the room, making some pun about fire, before putting it out. Cas walked towards him. “If you touch the Winchesters...” he left the threat unfinished.

“Please. I heard you the first time.” Crowley said in a light-hearted voice. “I promise -- nary a hair on their artfully tousled heads. Besides, I think they've proven my point for me. It's always your friends, isn't it, in the end? We try to change. We try to improve ourselves. It's always our friends who got to claw into our sides and hold us back.” Cas felt overwhelming sadness, and bitterness. “But you know what I see here?” Crowley continued cheerfully. “The new God and the new Devil, working together.”

Castiel couldn’t take anymore. “Enough. Stop talking. And get out of my sight.”

“Well...Glad I came. You're welcome, by the way.” Crowley walked towards the door. He paused before he left and said “You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?” Then he left, leaving Cas to ponder on this. How much was Cas willing to risk to see this through? But there was no other options left. No turning back. No matter how much it hurt him, and those he cared about.

And that’s what led him here. To ultimate power. To the solution. He had saved his people, and was beginning to fix all the other messes. She has to see the benefit. He was cleansing the world. Yes, it was time to visit her. She had tried masking herself from him, but he was God now. He could find her in an instance. He smiled and vanished.