The Lost Soldier

Secrets and Scars

It was hot as balls today, I was trying to wear as little as I could without being indecent, but for some reason Beckett still wouldn't look me in the eyes. I shrugged it off and thanked god for beaches, Lanie had called about an hour ago pleading that we go to the beach with her, her boyfriend Asher and a couple of their mutuals. I hadn't wanted to go but Beckett had won me over with his green puppy dog eyes (and yes I know that I'm a sucker, thank you very much.) So here I was reclined in a beach chair in a black bikini top and grey cotton shorts over my black bikini bottoms. I wasn't proud of what I've done to my body in the need to feel something, so I liked to keep my old scars hidden. What's funny is that Lanie and Archer always protect me from other people, but no one has protected me from myself. I was quite content with my black cat eye sunglasses and my romance book, and the ocean breeze, but soon enough a big shadow killed my sunshine. I looked up tilting my sunglasses down to catch a good look at the sunshine stealer, Beckett stood there in a pair of black and white swimming trunks, his black hair plastered to his head and beads of water traced the lines of his muscles, he was damn attractive but there was someone in my book that was damn attractive as well, and he needed attention.

"You're blocking my sunshine Bucket" I reprimanded clicking my tongue. Beckett cocked an eyebrow "maybe we should fix that ma'am" he said next thing I knew the barbarian had plucked the book from my grasp and had me thrown over his shoulder. "Beckett put me down" I said calmly, but he ignored me and took another twenty steps toward the glistening blue water, that's when panic kicked in and I began struggling "Beckett you've had you're fun! Put me down PLEASE!"

"Nope" he said, and then I was thrown into the blue. Thank god my pump was water proof or my mother was going to murder him. The cold water knocked the air out of my lungs as I struggled to find my equilibrium under the water. I was finally able to find the bottom of the ocean and push off breaking through the water. I coughed up salty water trying to catch my breath, my heart rate was out of control as I heaved to bring air back to my lungs. Beckett appeared in front of me looking worried and apologetic "Areum! are you okay?" he asked gripping my shoulders breathing heavily. "Fuck you" I growled swimming away from him I got out of the water to bury my cold toes in the hot sand. I walked back to my chair and picked up my sunglasses and book from where they landed in the sand. What I had not noticed yet was that my cotton shorts were still floating in the water, so all my self-harm scars were on display. They were around the tops of my thighs so I could keep them hidden and also I hate my thighs, they were my least favorite part of my body. "Sweetie here your shorts are gone" Lanie had ran across the hot sand to bring me a towel. I smiled at her and thanked her, she plopped down next to my chair "I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you Reumi, you never told him about the scars right?" I nodded staying silent "then it was a mistake he didn't know sweetheart" she said leaning her head in my lap. My lungs burned with the need to cry, but I swallowed my tears, in the end I was the one who cut, I did this to myself. I ran my fingers through Lanie's black pixie cut to keep myself distracted, a while later Beckett came back and sat next to Lanie, she took that as a good time to leave saying that we needed to talk. Beckett and I sat in silence for a while watching Lanie tackle Asher to get the Frisbee that was thrown through the air.

"Angel, I'm sorry for not listening to you and not putting you down" Beckett said twisting his fingers "I honestly didn't know... You never told me..." he trailed off.

"You were gone Beckett, and this isn't something you write about in letters, the only reason Lanie knows is because she caught me one day" I explained. Beckett was quiet for a moment "does it hurt?" he asked. "Beckett, I get so depressed that some days I can't even feel anything, sometimes it's nice to feel something, even if it is pain." He sat in the sand looking at the palms of his hands. "This is gonna sound weird but can I?" He asked gesturing at the towel over my scars, after some consideration I slowly nodded my head. He slowly moved the towel and the first scar he saw read ugly in the jagged lines from the razor, he slowly ran his thumb across the raised skin and I shuddered. "Can you feel this?" he murmured as he brushed his hands along my scars I slowly nodded "you're beautiful Areum inside and out, you have these scars not because you're weak, but because you are a fighter Areum you lived." He whispered and the first tear ran down my cheek "sorry" I mumbled rubbing the evidence away, Beckett opened his arms "come here baby." I crawled from my chair and into Beckett's lap where he held me and told me that I'm strong and beautiful. In that moment I knew for sure that I had fallen head over heels in love with my best friend, he made my heart stir and a warmth that I hadn't felt before was taking over my body from my heart to the tips of my fingers.

***

Lanie and Asher sat hand in hand watching Beckett and Areum from across the beach "looks like you may have to pay up pretty soon Lane" Asher sang. "No I think it'll still take a couple of days for them to slap a label on it, I think your underestimating just how oblivious they are." Lanie said praying she was right, she wasn't ready to cough up fifty bucks just yet.